


Fire and Ice

by Rasora_Quin



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Feels, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Jealous Loki (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Married Couple, Married Life, Memory Loss, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Loki (Marvel), POV Original Character, POV Original Female Character, POV Thor (Marvel), Pregnancy, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Thor (Marvel), Reader-Insert, Repressed Memories, Suicide Attempt, Sweet Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Thor (Marvel)/Reader - Freeform, alternative universe, kind of but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 33,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22679392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasora_Quin/pseuds/Rasora_Quin
Summary: A week after learning you are pregnant, your husband Loki returns home to Asgard. But his return doesn’t go as expected when you learn Loki has come home with amnesia, forgetting everything that bound the two of you together. How are you supposed to tell him your pregnant with his child now?
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Pregnant Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 212
Kudos: 495





	1. Something Infinitely Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning dawns on the day Loki is scheduled to leave for Midgard.

Glimpses of sunlight peek through the curtains as the sun arises signaling the beginning of a new day. Birds can be heard chirping merrily as they flitter about right outside the window. The sky was clear and the breeze warm on this early spring day.

It should have been a lovely morning to wake up to but as you begin stirring from your slumber you felt absolutely awful. A wave nausea washes over you, forcing your eyes to flutter open. You sit up, trying to slip out of bed without awaking your partner.

A hand suddenly reaches out, grasping your wrist. A pair of emerald green eyes gaze up at you sleepily. 

“Don’t go,” your husband groans, “Stay in bed with me a little while longer before I have go.”

“Loki, please let go. I feel nauseous. I’m about to- you know,” You tell him though your eyes said you were sympathetic to his plea.

As your words register in his mind, his eyes flash open fully and he instantly lets go of you. You then beeline for the bathroom, flipping up the toilet seat and kneeling down over it. Loki appears behind you, kneeling down with you and holding up your fiery red hair as you puke your guts out before him.

A low, soothing hum sounds from Loki’s lips as the minutes pass by. Once you’re finally done, he helps you back to your feet. You let out a depressed sigh as you wash your hands.

“I would get sick the morning you leave with Thor back Midgard,” You pout, drying off your hands with a towel. “Now you can’t kiss me before you go.”

“I still could,” Loki’s eyes flicker mischievously.

“Well you shouldn’t,” You quickly dismiss before briskly brushing past him back into the bedroom.

Not getting very far, Loki snakes his arms around your waist halting you in your tracks. His soft lips gently kiss the nape of your neck.

“I didn’t say where I would kiss you,” the mischievous prince smirks at you from behind before giving his attention back to your neck. The lower down he went on your neck the rougher the kisses became. 

“After all,” Loki muses, pausing briefly as his lips hover over the base of your neck purposefully giving your arousal a moment to intensify under his breath. “I’ve got to mark you as mine so those pesky guards will remember that you belong to me and me alone.”

A soft moan escapes from your lips as he finally bites down. Your ivory skin turning bright red at the spot of your neck where he brands you.

“Such a good girl, making those pretty little noises for me,” Loki teases causing you to blush. He then leans his head against yours as the two of you stand there together. “That’s enough for now. When I get back I’ll require more, but if you’re sick now I don’t want to overtax your body. You should go see the royal physician after this.”

“I was planning on it,” You murmur in response. The morning might not of started off great, but to be peacefully held in Loki’s embrace made up for it. Your husband typically liked to do things rough which you didn’t mind but you also appreciated it when he was gentler with you. And when he was gentle he was very gentle.

You wish the moment could go on a little bit longer but alas Loki had to get ready for his departure from Asgard so it couldn’t. 

The Avengers needed his and Thor’s help on Midgard. Ever since Thor visited the realm of the humans and fell in love with the place, he vowed to help the Avengers whenever Midgard was in crisis. Thor dragged Loki along in his first mission there, and the immense power of the two brothers working together was quickly realized. Since then Loki has almost always be pressured into going along with Thor every time the Avengers called upon them. It was a noble cause and it gave Loki a break from all paperwork Thor and Odin pushed onto him so you were always supportive of Loki going even if that meant he wouldn’t be by your side for a period of time.

You turn around to face him while still remaining in his embrace, “You need to get going before Thor comes and busts down our chamber door again. Do you know how much money we’ve spent on replacing that thing over and over?”

“That sounds more like a Thor needing to be more patient as I say goodbye to my wife problem than a me needing to hurry up problem,” Loki remarks as he reaches up taking some of your hair in his hand and bringing it up to his lips. “Such beautiful scarlet hair. Have I told you how much I adore it recently?”

The blush returns to your cheeks. Your hair color was the part of your body you were most insecure about. Regular Asgardians didn’t have red hair. It wasn’t a part of their genetic code. But you could hardly be considered a regular Asgardian. After all you were only half-Asgardian. Your other half was, well, fire demon from the realm of Muspelheim. Loki knew of your insecurity over your hair’s color so he always went out of his way to compliment it. You treasured those compliments deep within your heart.

“Y-you told me last night,” You answer, adverting your gaze and pushing yourself away from him. 

“My wife is so cute when she’s embarrassed,” Loki chuckles as he watches your cheeks flush a darker shade of red. 

You open your mouth to stammer something back in response but are cut off by a loud, repetitive banging on your chamber door. Loki clicks his tongue in irritation.

“Thor’s here,” You sigh, half chuckling at your husband’s irritated expression. “I’ll go answer the door and tell him you’re getting ready before I head to the medical wing.” A warm smile forms on your lips, “Be safe and return to me quickly.”

Before you can turn to leave, Loki snatches your wrist pulling you back to him. He places his hands on your shoulders before gently planting a soft kiss on your forehead letting his lips lingering there for a bit.

“Always,” He breathes as he releases you.

___

“He’ll be with you shortly,” You tell Thor as you close the door behind you.

“I’m surprised,” Thor remarks, raising an eyebrow as he does, “Usually it takes you guys another fifteen minutes after I start knocking for you two to finish up.”

“I’m not exactly feeling the best this morning so I think he let me off with less of a fight,” You chuckle looking up at your brother in-law.

“What’s wrong?” He asks you, his expression full of concern.

“Hopefully nothing much,” You reply dismissively so as to lessen his worries. “I just feel a bit nauseous. I’m on my way to see the physician after this.”

“I shouldn’t keep you then,” Thor politely steps aside for you.

“Thank you,” You give him a soft, reassuring smile. You glance back at the chamber door. “Look after him for me.”

“Of course,” He nods. “Though it’s him who usually ends up looking after me.”

“I can imagine,” You giggle. “Then I guess I’ll change my request to don’t give him too much trouble.”

“I’ll try my best,” Thor smiles.

The door then suddenly opens up behind you.

“Stop flirting with my wife,” Loki comes out, instantly wrapping his arms around you protectively.

“I’m not flirting with her,” Thor rolls his eyes. “No one would dare flirt with her. Especially not after you so clearly marked her.” The first prince says momentarily glancing down your neck.

Your face flushes again. You had forgotten to grab a shawl to cover it up before leaving your chambers.

“Good, keep it that way,” Loki states before turning his attention to you. “Run along now. I want you healthy when I return.”

“I- I’ll try,” You stammer before scampering off out Loki’s arms.

Loki chuckles in amusement, straightening his posture. His eyes linger on you until your figure disappears around corner.

“You really love her, don’t you,” Thor remarks to his younger brother once his sister in-law is out of sight.

“Of course, I gave up my chance of ascending the throne for her, didn’t I?” Loki reminds him. Not that Odin would’ve actually given him the throne anyways he reflected silently. No matter. He got something infinitely better in the end. What you gave him was far more valuable than any throne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought of this prompt halfway through my last Loki x Reader story. I’m interested to see where this one goes. ^^


	2. Big Misunderstanding

“Did I catch a stomach bug or something?” You inquire of the doctor who was currently reading over your medical report.

“No Milady,” the doctor finally looks up at you. The elderly lady pushes up her glasses before sharing the results of the tests she had administered to you prior. “You’re not sick at all, or at least not really. Rather, you’re pregnant with Prince Loki’s child, Milady. Looks like the Allfather and her Majesty will finally be having their first grandchild. I remember when my first grandchild was born. It was such a magical day!” 

The doctor kept on rambling but after the shock of the news you just received finally registers you didn’t hear anymore of what she was saying. 

Your hands flutter to your stomach. It had only been about a few months since you and Loki had been married, and a year and half since you first met. It was almost unbelievable how quickly you were having your first child- Loki’s child. The thought made you so incredibly happy you honestly thought you were going to burst.

“H-how far along am I?” You ask eagerly, interrupting the doctor’s ramble. 

“I’d say about seven weeks,” She answer, smiling softly as she witnesses your smiling face. It was good to see the younger generation so happy. That means they were doing something right.

___

Strolling through the hallways as you make your way back to your room from the medical wing, you can’t stop yourself from smiling as you rest your hands on your stomach. Now more than ever you couldn’t wait for Loki to come back. You wanted him to be the first one you tell. That would mean hiding your newfound joy from the keen senses of your mother in-law for a week until he got back but you thought you could manage. You weren’t sure exactly how Loki would react to the news, but you knew he wouldn’t reject the child; not a child conceived by you and him. Good lord you couldn’t wait.

___

[One week later]

“Are you sure?” Thor asks Tony desperately hoping his friend had been fooling him.

“I’m afraid so,” Tony answers solemnly. “We had all our top medical staff check him out to be sure. I’m so sorry.”

A brief grim silence falls between the two Avengers.

“I don’t know how I’m going to tell my sister in-law,” Thor mumbles hopelessly. “I promised her I’d look after him.”

“It’s not like he’s dead,” Tony tries to console him. “And for all we know they could come back at any moment.”

Thor grimaces but reluctantly nods, “That’s true.”

___

Around noon while sitting in your office reviewing all the paperwork that was left sitting incomplete in your husband’s absence, word came that Thor and company had just arrived back at the palace.

Your eyes light up as you jolt up from your seat. Just barely keeping yourself from full on running you make your way down to the palace entrance where Loki usually waited for you to come greet him.

“Loki!” You exclaim joyfully as you burst around the corner of the entryway.

To your surprise, Loki wasn’t there waiting for you. The only people present were Thor and Frigga, who had beaten you to arriving first to greet them. Your smile falters a bit. Upon your arrival, both Frigga and Thor look over at you with concerned expressions on their faces.

“W-what’s wrong?” You inquire anxiously. “Where’s Loki?”

“Loki went straight back to your chambers,” Frigga answers first.

“Oh, okay,” You acknowledge before turning and running back down the hall.

“Wait, _______!” Thor calls after you but it was too late, you were long gone. He immediately starts chasing after you.

____

“Loki!” You once again exclaim upon bursting onto the scene. “Why didn’t you wait for me at...”

Your sentence trails off as the expression on Loki’s face registers as one you weren’t used tp seeing. It was cold and angry. His eyes pierced right through inducing instantaneous fear. Loki had never looked at you that way before.

“That’s your Highness to you, you insolent woman,” Loki seethes in an icy tone. “How dare you burst into my personal quarters without permission. Who are you? One of the women I slept with? If so, it seems like you’ve gotten the wrong impression of our relationship if you think you can waltz in here like that. You were merely a one night stand nothing more. You’re not special to me in anyway. Seriously, I should lock you up for such an act of utter insolence towards your prince. You better get out of my sight within next ten seconds or I might actually do it. Also, undye that ridiculous red hair of yours. It’s an eyesore.”

You stand there completely frozen in shock. What is happening? Had you fallen asleep in the middle of reviewing paperwork and this was all some horrible nightmare? But you are some how certain everything happening before you was completely real. Either way, reality or not, Loki’s words really stung. Your heart feels like it’s slowly shattering into a million pieces.

“Did you not hear me!?” Loki snaps. “I said leave! Or do you really want me to throw you in the dungeon?”

Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t get yourself to move. Your entire body’s trembling; your legs feel weak. Your mind can’t process what was going on right now fast enough. Is the person before you really Loki?

Enraged, Loki forcefully grabs you by the wrist and drags you to the door. He flings you onto the ground outside and is about to slam the door in your face when Thor suddenly runs up you behind with Frigga briskly trailing him.

“Loki wait!” Thor shouts desperately. “It’s all a big misunderstanding!”

Loki froze midway through closing the door. He met his brother’s eyes with clear irritation. Meanwhile, Frigga helps you back on your feet. Completely shaken, you cling to her arm for support.

“What’s a big misunderstanding?” He seethes.

Thor glances guiltily over at you before answering Loki, “She’s not just some girl. She’s your wife.”

“Stop jesting brother,” Loki relies after giving you a quick glance over from head to tow, “There’s no way I would- ”

“It’s true,” the queen backs up her older son’s claim.

Loki stares at his mother blankly. He’s filled with utter shock and disbelief by what she just said.

“What’s going on here?” You finally work up the courage to ask. Your expression darkens as you do. You unconsciously tighten your grip on Frigga’s arm.

Frigga sighs, patting the hands which clung to her, “I think it’s best if the four of us sit down over some tea and have a serious talk.”


	3. Discussion Pt. 1

Frigga had ushered the four of you into her office, instructing each of you to take a seat at her meeting table while she brewed some tea. 

Placing a cup carefully in front of each seat, the queen finally slips down into the remaining chair. She turns to her elder son, “I think it’s best if we start by you explaining to ________ what happened on Midgard.”

Thor nods as he looks over in your direction, “During our fight on Earth, Loki was knocked down by an opponent. He ended up hitting his head pretty hard. Tony had all of the Avengers’ top medical professionals check him out and they all came to the same conclusion. Loki has amnesia.”

You didn’t react. You didn’t know how to. The situation was all too much to take in. 

Though you are tempted to do so you refrain stealing a glance at Loki to see what his reaction was. Ever since he had flung you on the ground you had been unable to meet his gaze.

“How much of his memory is gone?” You finally inquire, looking up at Thor. 

“It’s seems he can’t remember anything about the past two years,” He answers grimly.

Two years? You reach out and grasp the tea cup in front of you so as to stop them from shaking,” That means everything about me is gone?”

“Yes...” Thor admits, adverting his eyes and staring at his blurry reflection in the tea.

“Is it temporary or...?” You can’t bare to finish your question.

“The doctors were unsure,” Thor answers, unable to give you any signs of hopefulness in his tone.

“If what you guys are claiming is true and I am married to this woman,” Loki finally interjects into the conversation, “then this amnesia is a stroke of good luck on my part. We can now divorce and go our separate ways.”

Your eyes widen in horror. Even if he had forgotten who you were, why was he so eager to get rid of the person whom the people he trusted the most told him you were his wife? Why was he immediately jumping to divorce instead of trying to figure things out?

“Loki, you don’t know what you are saying,” Frigga quickly chides him. “You truly loved ______ before lost your memories.”

“If I did love her, as you claim,” Loki says leaning forward in his seat, unaffected by what his mother said, “then it must of been because she had me under some sort of spell.”

“You and I both know that I would’ve been able to detect any foreign magic used on you,” Frigga’s eyes narrow as she debunks her son’s pathetic excuse, “and if I had I would’ve immediately undone it. ______ has never manipulated you in anyway.”

“Then how else do you explain me falling for her?” Loki refuses to cave in certain that he is correct. “She’s not even my type. I’ve always preferred natural beauty over girls that try too hard to stand out. I mean come on, no Asgardian has scarlet red hair. It’s obvious she dyed it because with her looks she wouldn’t be able to catch the eye of any man otherwise.”

His words hurt like needles piercing your heart one by one. You wanted to cry but refuse to let yourself do so. You hadn’t cried in years regardless of what you endured; you weren’t going to allow this version of Loki break that record now.

Your face once again darkens still not looking at him, “True, my looks are average and my hair is the only thing that stands out about me, but it’s my natural hair color. I didn’t dye it.”

Not a single trace of falsehood could be detected in your words. Loki’s eyes furrow in frustration as he realizes you are telling the truth. But he also knew that what he said about no Asgardian having scarlet red hair like yours was also true. It soon clicks in his head.

Loki scoffs, half laughing at the insanity of the situation, “You’re not even Asgardian, are you? Only fire demons from the realm of Muspelheim have hair that’s naturally red like yours. Now I know foul play was involved in getting me to marry you. There’s no way I, Loki son of Odin and prince of Asgard, would marry a monster like you.”

Again his words shook you to your core. More needles punctured your heart. Still, you did not cry or even look in his direction. You refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing you react.

“You’re crossing a line, brother,” Thor glares at him unable to sit by any longer while you take the verbal abuse in silence. “Once you regain your memories, you’re going to regret everything you just said here today.”

“If I regain my memories, you mean,” Loki corrects putting extra emphasis on the word ‘if’.

“You gave up your chance of ascending the throne for her!” Thor shouts, shooting up abruptly from his chair. “That’s how much you loved her!”

“Thank you, brother, for confirming for me beyond a shadow of a doubt that my marriage to this woman is an absolute sham,” Loki retorts. “You and I both know there’s nothing in this universe that would make me give up on the throne.”

“There was a time where I thought that yes,” Thor begrudgingly admits. “But you did do it.”

“Please make up a better lie next time,” Loki tells him coldly.

“You would be able to tell better than anyone if I was lying,” Thor replies flatly.

“I’m done with this conversation,” Loki states icily as he gracefully rises from his seat. “Our divorce will be arranged first thing tomorrow.”

He walks over to where you sat. With his right hand he slips off the golden band that had adorned his ring finger and slides it in front of you.

Staring at it for a brief moment you then close your eyes and take a deep breath. You’ve made your decision. Flashing open your eyes you glare up at Loki as your next words come cold and rigid like his, “I’m pregnant. I found out the day you left for Midgard. The royal physician can back me up on this. It’s in her records. And if you don’t think the child is yours then you can take a dna test the moment they’re born for proof.”

Reflecting back on all the reactions you had imagined through the past week about Loki finding out you were bearing his child, silent outrage wasn’t one of them. But it is the one you got as Loki glares at you back with utter hatred enveloping his eyes.

“Oh my...” Frigga breathes as she places her forehead in her palm. The situation at hand just reached a new level of complicated.


	4. Discussion Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick note, this chapter is the events of the last chapter told more from Loki’s perspective and inner thoughts.

Mother had ushered the four of you into her office, instructing each of you to take a seat at her meeting table while she brewed some tea.

Placing a cup carefully in front of each seat, the queen finally slips down into the remaining chair. She turns to her elder son, “I think it’s best if we start by you explaining to ________ what happened on Midgard.”

Loki sits back, sighing silently to himself. So your name was _______. It irritates him that he kind of likes the sound of it. He only half listens as his brother informs you of his memory loss while he stares at the outside view of the office window. Though convincing himself he didn’t care, out of the corner of his eye Loki awaits to see your reaction. To his disappointment you didn’t seem to react at all, sparing not even a glance in his direction.

“How much of his memory is gone?” You finally inquire, shifting your gaze up at Thor.

“It’s seems he can’t remember anything about the past two years,” He answers grimly.

When he showed signs of confusion of why he was on Midgard, the doctors asked Loki what the date was and apparently he had given them a date from two years prior. Thor must have been basing his information off of that.

“That means everything about me is gone?” You ask, indicating to Loki that you had known him for less than two years. Good. That meant your relationship was probably shallow.

“Yes...” Thor admits, adverting his eyes from you and staring at his blurry reflection in the tea.

“Is it temporary or...?” You linger off.

“The doctors were unsure,” Thor answers you solemnly.

Loki began to grow impatient. This conversation wasn’t doing anything for him. He decides to take matters into his own hands. 

“If what you guys are claiming is true and I am married to this woman,” Loki interjects, looking back at the others, “then this amnesia is a stroke of good luck on my part. We can now divorce and go our separate ways.”

Loki was certain of one thing. Even if he had married you for some reason beyond his comprehension, he was sure with or without his memories he wanted to be free of you. For one reason and one reason alone he was absolutely certain of this. You clearly offered nothing that would give him an upper hand before Odin when it came down to which son would inherit his throne. Even if he had only officially met you within the two years that were wiped from his memory, if you were a beneficial noble woman who had value by Odin’s standards then Loki would at least have some knowledge of your existence. He had researched and memorized all the possible women in all of Asgard for him to court that would give him an advantage over Thor long before two years ago, and you were nowhere on that list.

Finally a reaction came from you. Your eyes widen in horror as you register his words.

“Loki, you don’t know what you are saying,” his mother quickly chides him. “You truly loved ______ before lost your memories.”

“If I did love her, as you claim,” Loki says leaning forward in his seat, unaffected by what she said, “then it must of been because she had me under some sort of spell.”

“You and I both know that I would’ve been able to detect any foreign magic used on you,” his mother’s eyes narrow as she debunks her son’s pathetic excuse, “and if I had I would’ve immediately undone it. ______ has never manipulated you in anyway.”

He knew already his reasoning was nonsense since what his mother stated was true, but it was the only explanation that made logical sense to Loki.

“Then how else do you explain me falling for her?” He refuses to cave in. “She’s not even my type. I’ve always preferred natural beauty over girls that try too hard to stand out. I mean come on, no Asgardian has scarlet red hair. It’s obvious she dyed it because with her looks she wouldn’t be able to catch the eye of any man otherwise.”

Loki was exaggerating how unattractive you were for the sake of his argument. In actually, though he was mentally trying to deny it, he personally thought you were quite beautiful. And your fiery red hair stirred something deep inside him. For some reason he felt awful for criticizing it. Regretting his words instantly as soon as they left his lips. But he kept a poker face. Not daring to let any of what he truly thought show. After all, it would be a whole lot harder to get rid of you if they knew he felt any level of physical attraction towards you.

Your face darkens, but you remain resolute in your ability to not even spare him a glance which only served irritate Loki more. He simultaneously wanted to get rid of you and maintain your attention at the same time.

“True, my looks are average and my hair is the only thing that stands out about me, but it’s my natural hair color. I didn’t dye it,” You told him.

Not a single trace of falsehood could be detected in your words. Loki’s eyes furrow in frustration as he realizes you are telling the truth. But he also knew that what he said about no Asgardian having scarlet red hair like yours was also true. It soon clicks in his head as he recalls where he had seen this exact shade of red before.

Loki scoffs, half laughing at the insanity of the situation, “You’re not even Asgardian, are you? Only fire demons from the realm of Muspelheim have hair that’s naturally red like yours. Now I know foul play was involved in getting me to marry you. There’s no way I, Loki son of Odin and prince of Asgard, would marry a monster like you.”

Again you refused to react, angering the second prince further. Why weren’t you breaking down in tears? Why weren’t you defending yourself? Or even just yelling at him?

Maybe he was actually right and your marriage was only a sham. But tricking Thor that you were in love with him was one thing, simultaneously tricking himself and Mother was another. Was there someone who could really get away with deceiving the both of you? Loki didn’t think it was likely and you certainly didn’t seem like the type that could pull such a feat off.

It then angered Loki even more how much thought he was putting into all this. It didn’t matter if you had been tricking them or not? His goal to free himself from this woman remained the same. And nothing you said or did was going to stop him from achieving it. 

“You’re crossing a line, brother,” Thor glares at him unable to sit by any longer while you take the verbal abuse in silence. “Once you regain your memories, you’re going to regret everything you just said here today.”

“If I regain my memories, you mean,” Loki corrects putting extra emphasis on the word ‘if’. In all honesty, he didn’t want to remember the last two years. He had no need or care for any memories involving you.

“You gave up your chance of ascending the throne for her!” Thor shouts, shooting up abruptly from his chair. “That’s how much you loved her!”

Loki’s mind instantly freezes over. What did Thor just say? There was no way in all the realms Loki would ever give up his right to ascend the throne. Not for anything. Especially not for something as silly as some woman. He’d die before giving up his birth right to the Asgardian throne. Now he knew for sure everything involving you was total nonsense.

“Thank you, brother, for confirming for me beyond a shadow of a doubt that my marriage to this woman is an absolute sham,” Loki retorts. “You and I both know there’s nothing in this universe that would make me give up on the throne.”

“There was a time where I thought that yes,” Thor begrudgingly admits. “But you did do it.”

“Please make up a better lie next time,” Loki tells him coldly.

“You would be able to tell better than anyone if I was lying,” Thor replies flatly.

A strong urge to lunge at Thor grew within him as his frustrations with this conversation began boiling over. He manages to keep his cool and collected composure on the outside though. Loki absolutely refused to accept any of what Thor had just said as true.

“I’m done with this conversation,” Loki announces icily as he rises up from his seat. “Our divorce will be arranged first thing tomorrow.”

He walks over to where you sat. With his right hand he slips off the golden band that had adorned his ring finger and slides it in front of you. Symbolically getting across to you that he is casting you aside.

He watches as you stare at the ring for a brief moment before closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. Your eyes suddenly flash open and for the first time you finally look at him directly. Loki could see all the emotions you had been keeping bottled up until this point reflected in your eyes as you glare up at him. Your next words come cold and rigid matching his prior.

“I’m pregnant,” You announce, “I found out the day you left for Midgard. The royal physician can back me up on this. It’s in her records. And if you don’t think the child is yours then you can take a dna test the moment they’re born for proof.”

Silent outrage. That could be the only way to describe Loki’s reaction as glares back at you with utter hatred. So, you had been hiding this trump card up your sleeve this entire time. No wonder you hadn’t reacted. Loki really underestimated you. Whether or not you were truly pregnant with his child only time could tell, but that meant he was stuck with you at least until the of your pregnancy. There’s no way on heaven or earth Frigga would allow him to kick the mother of his possible unborn child out of his life. In this moment, Loki truly hated you with every fiber of his being.

“Oh my...” the queen breathes as she places her forehead in her palm. The situation at hand just reached a new level of complicated.


	5. So Insufferable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter has taken a bit to come out. I was sick and busy and sick of being busy. But I finally had time to sit down and type up the next chapter. Thank you for your patience!

“You can stay here for the time being,” Frigga tells you upon opening the door of one of the spare bedrooms after Loki had forcefully evicted you from your own chambers, selfishly reclaiming it as solely his own personal space. “Are you okay?”

You give the queen an exhausted, sorrowful glance unable to muster up much more than that at the moment.

“That was a foolish question,” She admits, gently rubbing your arm. “Get some rest okay sweetheart.”

You nod silently as your gaze drifts longingly over to the bed. 

Frigga shuts the door quietly behind her as she takes her leave, giving you some much needed space after such a taxing day. 

Being too mentally and emotionally drained, you don’t bother changing out of your clothes as you vie for immediately plopping down on the comfy bed instead. As soon as your body hits the mattress you curl up into yourself gently placing both your hands over your stomach.

“Thank you little one,” You whisper aloud softly, “You gave Mommy more time to work things out with your father. Don’t worry, I haven’t given up on him.” Your murmurs are interrupted by a brief yawn. “If Mommy can get your father to fall for me once, surely I can do it again.”

After your short little speech, sleep quickly pulls you under. Your eyes flutter shut and for a brief period all your troubles wash away. Sleep was such a glorious thing.  
___

It was like a nightmare he couldn’t wake up from. How could he had let himself get so involved with some woman? Especially with one who gave him no benefits whatsoever. Heck, you didn’t even meet the bare minimum requirement of what Loki looked for in a woman- you weren’t Asgardian. You were a fire demon, a monstrous inhabitant of the realm of Muspelheim. An enemy of Asgard. Loki had no idea what his past self was thinking but he didn’t care. He would get rid of you and resume his plans of ascending the throne.

To say Loki left his mother’s office furious would be an understatement, but being back in his private chambers wasn’t much better. For though you weren’t physically there traces of you were strewn about the room. Your clothes were in the closet next to his. Your toiletries lay scattered on the bathroom counters. Books and other items he didn’t recognize decorated his selves. You had clearly made yourself comfortable in his chambers. The thought of this only irritated Loki more.

He quickly changes out of his clothes before slipping under the sheets. Loki would deal with his problems tomorrow. For now he would allow his mind to rest. Today had been a long day.

As he drifts off to sleep one final thought darts across his mind. He murmurs sleepily to himself, “Has this bed always felt this big and empty?”  
___

You wake up more determined than ever. Today is day one of making Loki fall in love with you again. If Loki thought you were just going silently stand aside and listen to his demands for you to leave, you were going to prove him dead wrong. Whether he ever remembered you or not, you were going to protect your position as his wife. Not just for your sake but for the sake of your unborn child. You wanted them to be accepted by their father.

Armed with your determination, you swing open your bedroom door leaving to go confront Loki when you are instantly greeted Thor’s fist inches from your face.

“S-sorry,” Thor apologizes, retracting his hand, “I was just about knock. Good morning.”

“Good morning, Thor,” You chuckle lightly, smiling up at your brother in-law. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“No, no. I was just stopping by to see how you were fairing this morning,” He tells you before pausing awkwardly for a brief moment, “You must still be in shock. I’m so sorry. I promised you I’d look after him and then this happened. I- “

“Thor, it’s not your fault,” You quickly tell him. Your eyes gaze up at him, full of concern, as you rest your hand on his forearm in order to console him. “I don’t blame you at all. Things happen on the battlefield. I’m just happy the two of you came back alive in one piece.” A confident smile dons your lips. “Besides, I’m all fired up! Whether Loki remembers me or not, all I have to do is make him fall for me again. I did it once before, how hard can it be to do it again? Plus I have over a years worth of marriage experience. I already know all his likes and dislikes. It’s not like I’m starting from scratch.”

“But the Loki now is very different from the one you knew before,” Thor replies not fully convinced. He grew up with Loki. He knew there was a side of his younger brother you had never encountered before, and yesterday was only a taste of that side.

“Loki is still Loki,” You respond unswayed. 

Thor sighs. He had no right to interfere with your efforts, “Well I’ll wish you good luck then. If you ever need my help with anything or just need someone to talk to then don’t hesitate to come to me.”

“Thank you, Thor” You smile softly. “I’ll be sure to take you up on that.”  
___

“Come in,” Loki calls as a knock rings out from his office door. He glances up from his work as the door creaks open to see who it is. He frowns, “Go away.”

“You’ve only just invited me in. Why would I leave so soon?” You dismiss as you draw closer to his desk, carrying a stack of papers in your arms.

“Because you’re unwanted here,” He answers coldly.

“For now I might be, but as soon as you fall for me again or regain your memories I’ll be more than welcomed,” You retort. “I’m fine with either option.”

“And what makes you think I would fall for you?” Loki questions as he glares up at you from his seat.

“You did it once, therefore, it’s not out of the realm of possibility you would do it again,” You respond unfazed by his icy gaze.

“You used magic to bewitch me into falling for you, and now that I’ve forgotten you the magic has lost its effect,” His eyes flitter back to his paperwork. “We were never truly in love.”

“You say that so matter of factly even though I’m the one with the memories of the time the two of us have spent together and you are not,” You shoot back. “Regardless, you’re still wrong because I don’t know any magic.”

“Liar,” Loki finally puts his paper down. His attention once again returning to you. “How stupid do you think I am? You’re clearly using magic right now to disguise your skin tone to match that of an Asgardian. Fire demons have red skin. I don’t know why you didn’t hide your hair color as well. That would’ve done a much better job of fooling me.”

Your grip on the papers you are holding tightens, “Apparently there’s a misunderstanding from yesterday that I need to clarify. This is my natural skin tone, and my red hair is my natural hair. I am a fire demon, yes but only in part. I am half Asgardian, half fire demon. I know it’s hard to believe. Especially since the two races are enemies but it’s the truth. You can ask your mother or even the Allfather if you don’t believe me.”

Loki was desperately searching for any indication that you might be lying but there was none. This left him with two conclusions; neither one he was happy with. Either you were a master liar who could avoid being detected by the likes of him. Or, and to his frustration, more likely, you were telling the truth. Even if you were telling the truth though, Loki refuses to let himself be swayed by you. If he can’t get out of this marriage by proving it’s a sham, he would do so by making you despise him.

“Whether you have Asgardian blood in you or not doesn’t erase your fire demon blood. You’re still a monster,” He responds flatly.

You sigh, seeing through his change of tactics, “So many have said in the past. Though this is the first time this drivel has come out of your mouth. I applaud your attempt to make me hate you. Insulting my mixed heritage is a smart move if that is your goal. But you are going to have to try harder. Unfortunately for you, your wife is pretty resilient.”

Every word that spewed from your lips infuriated Loki more and more. Why were you making his job so difficult? Not only did you see through him but you also explicitly went out of your way to remind him that you were his wife in one fellow swoop. No one, not even Thor, got under his skin as much as you did. Just hate him. Hate him like he hated you.

“I didn’t come here just to bother you,” You say, plopping the papers you had been carrying down on his desk. “Here. Here’s all the work of yours I did while you were away. You can double check them if you don’t think I did them properly.”

“You did all this?” He asks, glancing down at the stack before him. “Why?”

“The paperwork doesn’t stop when you go to Midgard. Someone had to do it or else it would pile up,” You answer. “Besides, you’re usually tired when you return so I try to ease the burden for when you come back. Now hand me the trash can under your desk.”

Loki looks at you in utter confusion, “What? Why?”

“Just do it!” You snap.

Acting on his impulse, Loki instantly grabs it for you upon you snapping at him. You quickly snatch it from his hands, and within seconds you are throwing up this morning’s breakfast into the container. Without thinking, Loki reaches out and holds up your hair. 

The action feels so natural to Loki, and as soon as he realizes this it scares him. He tenses and drops your hair causing it fall directly in your face.

“If you were going to drop my hair then it would’ve been better for you not to pick it up in the first,” You groan, placing the trash can on his desk. “Now I’m going to have to wash it.”

You start walking towards the door, tentatively holding the strands of your hair that had fallen in your face away from you.

“Hold up. Don’t leave this with me,” Loki hisses, referring to trash can.

“As the one of us who can actually use magic, I think you can take care of it much more easily than your nauseous pregnant wife,” You reply groggily. “You can consider it pay back for dropping my hair in my face.”

You take your leave before Loki can respond. He grits his teeth in irritation as you disappear from sight before glancing down at the odious can on his desk. He waves his hand over it, permanently removing it from existence.

“That woman is so insufferable,” Loki seethes. He eyes the paperwork you did noticing something he hadn’t before. He mutters, “And her handwriting is greatly lacking in elegance. It looks almost as bad as Thor’s.”

The prince couldn’t help but chuckle.


	6. Dinner Invite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the wait. I never know when I’m going to have time to write more.

“I cordially invite you to have dinner with me tonight!” You extend an invitation out.

Loki glances at the invitation in your outstretched arms before gradually accepting it. Your face instantly lights up as he does. Then you frown as the invitation quickly becomes dust in his hands.

“I refuse,” Loki denies you flatly. “You barf in my office then burst back into my office hours later demanding I have dinner with you.”

“I barfed in your trash can,” You correct.

“In my office,” He adds.

You puff your cheeks slightly in frustration but refuse to give up, “With or without the physical invite the invitation still stands. I’m making the everything myself. You better come and not waste the food.”

Not giving him the chance to refuse you again, you dash out of his office. Plan one is ago. They always say that one of the best ways to a man’s heart is through his stomach. You decide to start there.

It has been awhile since you last cooked a meal but you certainly knew how. You wouldn’t have survived this long if you hadn’t taught yourself how to cook. Though no one else had ever tried your food, you tasted it and you thought it tasted fine. Still you were nervous. This would be your first time cooking for Loki. Everything had to be perfect.

Spending the next serval hours in the kitchen alongside the kitchen staff, you whip up dishes you knew for sure Loki liked. Your year and a half experience by his side wasn’t going to go to waste. 

After completely setting the table just before the time you had indicated on the invitation, you quickly return to your room to change into a nicer gown and add a touch of makeup. Even if Loki no longer found you attractive, it couldn’t hurt to spruce yourself up a bit. You briskly return to the dining hall when you are more or less satisfied with your appearance.

Loki hadn’t shown up in the time you had been gone. You slip into your seat and wait. Your husband could be a stubborn man so you already figured he would purposefully arrive late. Deep down you truly believe he will show up though.

Time ticks by. Seconds turn into minutes and minutes slowly turn in hours. One hour. No show as the food begins to cool. Two hours with no sign of him, your stomach growls and you decide to dig in ahead of him. Three hours and no Loki. By the fourth hour you are completely full and he is still a no show. By the end of the fifth hour you begin to clean up in defeat. 

You really thought he would have come. It makes your heart ache a little that he didn’t. As you silently wash the dishes you face darkens. You get distracted as your thoughts grimly wander when suddenly something sharp pierces your index finger. 

Pulling your hands quickly out of the soapy water, you grab a paper towel to cover your bleeding finger. You accidentally sliced it with the knife you had been washing. Thankfully the cut wasn’t that deep and it wasn’t on your dominant hand. You look around for the medical kit, finding it in one of the drawers. You haphazardly manage to bandage your finger decently with only your one hand. The kitchen staff was long gone and everyone else in the palace was asleep so you didn’t bother asking anyone for help.

Exhausted, you lean against the counter; exhaling as your back comes into contact with the granite. You place your hands on your stomach.

“So it was a rough first day, little one,” You say aloud. “Don’t worry, I’m not giving up. I should’ve known it would be an uphill battle with your father. He can be a really stubborn man sometimes. But I’ll get him to come around eventually. I promise you that.”  
___

“I cordially invite you to have dinner with me tonight!” You extend an invitation out.

“Again?” Loki frowns, accepting the paper invitation before quickly turning it ash again. “Didn’t you learn last night that I won’t come?”

“You might be stubborn but I can be just as stubborn when I need to be,” You reply firmly. “I’m not giving up. Again I will be preparing the meal.”

“And again I will be refusing,” Loki dismisses, looking back at his paperwork.

“I refuse your refusal,” You say before heading to the door.

“Your refusal of my refusal doesn’t invalidate my refusal,” He say, furrowing his eyebrows. It’s then that he notices your finger. He has half a mind not inquire about it since he isn’t supposed to let himself care for you but something deep inside him gets the better of him. “What happened to your finger?”

“Oh, I, uh, just accidentally cut it while I was washing the dishes last night,” You sheepishly admit.

“You did the dishes?” Loki responds in disbelief. No lady of nobility would ever take on the responsibility of cleaning up after one’s self.

“Of course,” You answer earnestly, “It would’ve been rude of me to leave them for the kitchen staff to do in the morning. It was my mess after all.”

Loki didn’t respond to that but instead opts to refocus on his work. 

You sigh before heading to the door, stopping briefly before escorting yourself out, “Please come. I’ll be waiting.”  
___

“Time to get work!” You pump yourself up as you once again roll up your sleeves and get cooking. 

Not wanting to waste as much food as last night, just in case Loki didn’t show up again, you decide to prepare a little less. After setting the table you return to your chambers to spruce up a bit before returning to the dining hall for your waiting game.

The hours once again tick by. Loki fails to make an appearance. But you were expecting that a little more this time. Letting out a sigh, you start cleaning up. It became apparent that this is going to be a battle of stubbornness. You aren’t prepared to lose though.  
___

Days three and four you show up in Loki’s office, inviting him in the same manner. And both nights Loki stands you up. You decide you need to recruit the help of a powerful ally if you are going to have any chance against your husband’s stubbornness.

For a fifth afternoon you invite yourself into Loki’s office.

“No paper invitation this time?” Loki briefly glances up at you before refocusing on his work. “Are you giving up?”

“Not in the slightest, darling,” You tease knowing that it bothers him when you call him an affectionate nickname. “I’m actually upping my game without wasting any more paper.”

He looks back up at you. His expression read annoyed but his eyes read intrigued. “And what exactly do you have planned now?”

“My invite remains the same. Please join me for dinner tonight,” You reply, clasping your hands together. “I just want to inform you that your mother has put a barrier up around the kitchen to keep you out and has strictly instructed all of the servants and your brother to give you food until you have had a meal with me.”

“You vixen!” Loki seethes angrily, rising up from his seat. “You mean for me to choose between starving and eating with you?”

“Yes, pretty much,” You admit with a grin. You head to the door. “See you at dinner!”

Loki’s eyes seethe in an icy rage as he watches your silhouette slip out of the room closing the door behind you. He had underestimated how much his mother was on your side. If she’s going to take your side on everything, getting rid of you was going to be a lot more difficult.  
___

Three nights more Loki stands you up. You had figured for sure he wouldn’t come the first night. But now you beginning to doubt your extreme measure wasn’t going to work either. You had never dealt with a Loki this stubborn before.

On top of that, it was likely that he had already discovered the loophole in your plan. Your husband was a smart man after all. It’s not like you cut off his access to food completely. If he becomes desperate, Loki could easily just go down into town and grab some to eat.

Still not giving up hope though, you set the table for an eighth time. This time you didn’t bother going back to your chambers to touch up your make up or change clothes. You slip into your seat, leaning forward on your elbow on the table and resting your chin your palm while your other hand flutters down to your stomach.

“You better not grow up to be as stubborn as your father, you hear me little one,” You mutter in exasperation. “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle two of you.”

You sigh as you sit back up and lean against the back of the seat when suddenly the dining hall door bursts open.

“You are an insufferable woman!” Loki snaps glaring at you with his emerald eyes upon entrance.

“And your a stubborn prince,” You shoot back, your eyes following Loki as he takes a seat at the table.

“This better be good food after you starved me for three days,” Loki grumbles as he starts fixing himself up a plate of the dishes you had prepared.

“Technically you starved yourself,” You respond, serving up your own plate. “There was plenty of food waiting for you in the dining hall the past three evenings.”

Loki doesn’t give you a response. The two of you silently dig into your meals.


	7. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good lord. It feels like forever since I last sat down and wrote for this. Life has been crazy. This chapter is longer than my average chapter though, so I hope that makes up for the wait slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events of this chapter will be told from both the reader’s perspective and Loki’s.

“Since I was forced to come here, I better twist the situation to my advantage and get some information out of you,” Loki breaks the silence first upon setting down his wine glass

“Whatever excuse works for you to get the conversation rolling,” You reply flatly before taking a bite of chicken off your fork. You knew Loki felt most comfortable when he felt he was in control of the situation so you had refrained from speaking first and let him pick the topic of conversation.

Your response seemingly gets under his skin but he elects to ignore it for the time being, “How did a freak of nature such as yourself come to be living on Asgard?”

It is clear as day that Loki was still trying to get you to hate him. Insults were just something you are going to have to endure for the time being.

“I gather from that inquiry that you want to know my origins,” You say as you continue to cut into your chicken. “My mother was an Asgardian commoner unhappy in her marriage. By chance she crossed paths with a male fire demon willing to love her and take her away with him during one of their raids on Asgard. A year later, I was born. Half Asgardian, half fire demon; an ivory skinned baby with flaming red hair,” You pause, allowing yourself to take another bite, “They too saw me as a freak of nature, as you put it, so they brought me back to Asgard and dumped me on my mother’s ex-husband. Naturally, he didn’t want me either so he dumped onto the village orphanage. But I was unwanted there as well so the women who ran the orphanage neglected me as much as they could without actually killing me. When I was old enough to be self sufficient, it was a weight off their shoulders and I was completely left to my own devices. Even within the walls of the orphanage I had to fend for myself.”

Loki’s face remains expressionless as you tell him your tale. If there was any shred of empathy for you in him you couldn’t tell

“The other kids didn’t like me either,” You continue, “My hair became the alienating factor that kept them away from. The only ones who interacted with me were the ones brave enough to torment me. The kids who bullied and ignored me came and went though as adults sought to adopt them. I was never selected but of course that was only natural. No Asgardians wanted a fire demon as their child. At the age of adulthood I was finally kicked out. Knowing I wasn’t going to be accepted in society at this point, I moved to the outskirts of Asgard and lived there alone until we met. The end.”

“What a pitiful sob story,” Loki remarks icily.

“Yup,” You acknowledge, tracing a finger around the rim of your glass. “But I don’t regret my life. It brought me here to you after all. And the people accept me now because of you- well most of them anyways. I’m really grateful.”

He doesn’t respond nor does his emotionless expression waver. He just continues eating.

“Is the food to your liking?” You inquire, changing the subject.

“It’s adequate,” He answers flatly.

You exhale disappointingly, “Figures I wouldn’t get an honest answer out of you.”

Again, no response.

“Okay, time to get some information out of you for myself,” You press on. “Why do you want to get rid of me so badly? I’m not completely a fire demon. I do have Asgardian blood running through my veins. You might not remember me but that doesn’t mean you have to get rid of me. You can just get to know me again. Especially since I’m carrying your child.”

“It’s only a remote possibility you’re harboring my heir,” Loki finally breaks his silence, “As the saying goes, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. You could have been unfaithful to me just as your mother was to her husband. So there’s a chance the child isn’t mine.”

“I would never!” You snap, genuinely angry at what he had just said. Not only was he claiming you had cheated on him but also that his son or daughter wasn’t actually his. That thought infuriates you more than anything.

“We’ll see about that,” He replies dismissively. “As for wanting to get rid of you, you give me absolutely no advantage to obtaining the throne. In fact, you hinder me. I will show no hesitation in ridding myself of anything that stands in my of becoming the next rightful ruler of Asgard.”

“Why?” You ask desperately, your voice cracking. “You never cared so much about the throne before.”

“That’s proof to me that you and I were not that close,” Loki glares at you, “or that you really knew me. All my life I have strived for one thing and one thing only. And no random freak of nature monster is going to getting in my way of that. Even in the off chance the child is mine, I plan on casting both you and it out of my life forever. I don’t need an heir born of a monster.”

Never in all your life have you ever wanted to punch someone as much as you want to punch Loki right now. He could say whatever he wanted about you but rejecting their child was crossing a line. It takes every ounce of your self control to not make a move towards him. You clench your silverware in your fists.

Loki stands up from his seat, “You’ve had your dinner. Don’t expect it happen again.”  
___

[Loki’s POV]

Loki was reaching his limit. If he didn’t do something soon he’d be eating in town until he successfully gets rid of you. This option doesn’t appeal to him; it would be such a hassle to do that every time he wanted something to eat. And as much as he didn’t want to give into you, that actually might be the best way to get you off his back.

“Fine,” Loki grumbles to himself, standing up from his desk. “I’ll go to this dinner but I won’t let it go the way she wants it.”

Making his way to the dining hall, he bursts in angrily conversing in some insults before taking a seat. Though you had insulted him back, Loki can tell your attitude immediately brightens upon his arrival. He searches for a hint of true malice towards him so he’d have an excuse to throw you out but found none. You seem genuinely affectionate towards him which only troubles him more in another way.

The two of you ate in silence; something Loki hadn’t been expecting. He expected you to talk his ear off, trying to convince him to remain in this marriage. But you continue to not say a word. What was your game, he wondered.

Fine. If you weren’t to talk Loki decides he would take this situation into his own hands. He might as well get some information out of you so he could better understand what he was stuck in.

“Since I was forced to come here, I better twist the situation to my advantage and get some information out of you,” Loki speaks up, setting down his wine glass.

“Whatever excuse works for you to get the conversation rolling,” You reply flatly before taking a bite of chicken off your fork.

Your response gets under his skin but he elects to ignore it for the time being, “How did a freak of nature such as yourself come to be living on Asgard?”

“I gather from that inquiry that you want to know my origins,” You say as you continue to cut into your chicken. You’re sharper than Loki originally thought.

You proceed to recount an overview of your childhood to him. Starting with the parents that abandoned you, transitioning to the exclusion and bullying you endured at the orphanage, and ending with your years of living in solitude away from the Asgardian people. There were no traces of fabrication he could detect from your story. Once again Loki was torn between the choices of you telling the truth or you being are master liar able to fool even the likes of him. Of course, the odds were in your favor for telling the truth.

Though his expression shows absolutely no emotion, the prince was warring with himself on the inside. He was seething but for the first time since he arrived back on Asgard it was not because he was angry at you. Growing up so unwanted, so uncared for and treated as monster simply for being born different. It’s not like you had a choice in being born half fire demon, half Asgardian. And now not even your husband wanted you. He had even insulted your race. You had done nothing to deserve this type of treatment in life.

But this line of thinking was dangerous. He couldn’t allow himself to sympathize with you. Not after he had come so far and struggled against Odin’s favoritism of Thor for so long. Loki wanted the throne and to prove his worthiness to his father more than anything. He couldn’t give up his lifelong dream for so girl who offered him no benefit. It’s not like he didn’t want you simply because of your race. 

“What a pitiful sob story,” He finally remarks icily, not wanting to reveal the sympathy he felt for you.

“Yup,” You acknowledge, tracing a finger around the rim of your glass. “But I don’t regret my life. It brought me here to you after all. And the people accept me now because of you- well most of them anyways. I’m really grateful.”

Loki didn’t like it. Your words were like arrows piercing him with guilt. This wasn’t how things were supposed turn out. He wasn’t supposed to feel guilty about getting rid of you. 

Loki decides to say nothing, hoping the current topic of conversation will be dropped. Thankfully your next words change the subject.

“Is the food to your liking?” You inquire. 

“It’s adequate,” He answers flatly. He was lying of course but there was no intention to tell you the truth. To his surprise, the food you had prepared was quite delicious. On top of that the dishes were all from among his favorites. Showcasing you knew him well enough to what he liked to eat. 

You exhale disappointingly, “Figures I wouldn’t get an honest answer out of you.”

Again, Loki gave no response. But as soon as you open your mouth again the prince wishes he had. Discussing the food would have been preferable to what you were about to transition to.

“Okay, time to get some information out of you for myself. Why do you want to get rid of me so badly?” You begin to inquire, “I’m not completely a fire demon. I do have Asgardian blood running through my veins. You might not remember me but that doesn’t mean you have to get rid of me. You can just get to know me again. Especially since I’m carrying your child.”

Guilt once again washes over him. He had to shut you down before his resolve to hate you weakens further.

“It’s only a remote possibility you’re harboring my heir,” Loki responds coldly. He calculated his next words in order to lure into a trap, “The saying goes, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. You could have been unfaithful to me just as your mother was to her husband. So there’s a chance the child isn’t mine.”

“I would never!” You snap.

From your tone and the infuriated expression on your face, Loki knows you fell for it hook, line, and sinker. He continues. “We’ll see about that. As for wanting to get rid of you, you give me absolutely no advantage to obtaining the throne. In fact, you hinder me. I will show no hesitation in ridding myself of anything that stands in my of becoming the next rightful ruler of Asgard.”

“Why?” You ask desperately, your voice cracking. “You never cared so much about the throne before.”

“That’s proof to me that you and I were not that close, or that you really knew me. All my life I have strived for one thing and one thing only,” Loki glares at you, following through with his act. Regret over his next words fills him even before he says them, but he needs to you to hate him. Hate him before he no longer hated you, “And no random freak of nature monster is going to getting in my way of that. Even in the off chance the child is mine, I plan on casting both you and it out of my life forever. I don’t need an heir born of a monster.”

You look ready to punch him. It is clearly taking every ounce of your self control not to. Loki wouldn’t have blamed you if you had. He knows what he said was wrong.

Loki stands up from his seat, ready to add the final nail in the coffin, “You’ve had your dinner. Don’t expect it happen again.”


	8. My Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you guys because it will probably be another week or so before I have time again to write some more. Hope you enjoy! ^^

Thor couldn’t sleep that night; he was restless and so he had been ever since the accident. Even though you had told him not to blame himself for what happened, he still felt guilt over it. It has been over a week and your relationship with Loki didn’t seem to be getting any better. What was he going to do if his failure to protect his brother ruins your marriage? Thor couldn’t bear the thought of that. Neither one of you deserved that. Not after what the two of you have been through. Why did Thor always seem to ruin his brother’s happiness?

The first prince gets out of bed and leaves his chambers. To his surprise, as he is wandering down the halls Loki swiftly brushes passed him. Loki didn’t seem to notice Thor’s presence as he didn’t as much spare him a glance as they pass by each other. Though his younger brother is gone in a hurry, Thor was able to catch a glimpse of Loki’s expression. It was dark and he was gritting his teeth in frustration. Yet his eyes reflected a hint of guilt.

“Oh no...” Thor breathes with great concern in his voice. His pace quickens as he continues in the opposite direction of his brother.  
___

“Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry,” You mutter to yourself repeatedly as you scrub the dishes. “Don’t cry. Loki and the others win if you cry. Don’t cry.”

“______!” Thor suddenly bursts into the kitchen shouting your name.

You jump in surprise and turn towards him, “Thor?” Your voice cracking slightly as you say his name.

“Are you alright?” He inquires desperately, “I just saw Loki in hall and knew something was wrong. He didn’t hurt you did he?”

“N-no,” You shake your head solemnly. A grim smile appears on your lips, “At least not physically...”

“I’m so sorry, I-” Thor starts apologize.

Pulling your hands out of the soapy water you dry them with you skirt, “You don’t need to apologize for him. I’m sure coming home with two years of memories completely gone and having a wife and child you don’t remember must be very challenging to accept.”

“If I don’t need to apologize for my brother, you don’t need to make excuses for him,” Thor replies back softly. “Having amnesia doesn’t give him the right to treat you poorly.”

You grimace, unable to give a response. You know Thor is right, but you also know Loki is purposefully trying to get you to hate him whether he meant what he said or not. And as much as you are angry with and hurt by him right now, you have no intention of letting Loki win so easily.

Thor sighs in defeat when you don’t answer, “You’re love for him must be strong if you’re willing to put up with him like this. Do you at least want to tell me what happened between the two of you? It might be good to get it off your chest.”

“I’ll tell as much of what happened in the time it takes me to finish these remaining dish,” You reply, adding a small teasing smile as you turn back to the sink. “Also you better start drying them. Those are my conditions for being in the know.”

The first prince chuckles lightly, “As you wish, Milady,” He says, coming to your side and picking up the nearby hand towel. This would be a first. No one had ever asked him to help with dishes before, and if the request to do so is coming from you then he certainly didn’t mind complying.  
___

[Loki’s POV]

The next couple of days you make no attempt to appear before him. The two of you don’t even “accidentally” cross paths with one another. It was getting to the point were it was obvious you are going out of you way to avoid his presence.

Good. That is exactly what Loki wanted. Things are finally going his way. Or at least that is how he should have feel. But Loki couldn’t seem to get you off his mind no matter how much he tried to focus on his work. His thoughts always eventually drift back to you, and the thoughts were never that of hatred or annoyance but rather concern and regret.

Realizing this concerned him even further. He isn’t supposed to feel like this. These troubling emotions are only going to get in the way of obtaining the throne. How is he going to be able to kick you out if he can’t even keep his emotions in check?

At this point Loki had to concede that maybe he had given up his right to the throne for this woman in the past, but life has given him a second chance with this amnesia to correct his mistake. He can’t waste this opportunity to put things back to the way they should be. But good lord these emotions were giving him a run for his money. He’s completely mentally drained by the end of the week as his emotions raged war with his logic and self control the entire time.

Sitting back in his chair, Loki sighs in exhaustion. He glances over to the calendar sitting upon his desk. His eyes train on the upcoming date that is starred.

“I forgot that’s coming up,” He murmurs, “I guess I’ll be forced to see her then.”  
___

[Loki’s POV]

“You are coming out of your office for tonight’s ball, aren’t you?” the queen inquires almost sternly. “You’ve been hiding in here from ______ for almost two weeks now. You’ve got to be sick of this stuffy place.”

“Don’t worry, Mother,” Loki reassures her, getting up from behind his desk and taking her hands in his. “I wouldn’t miss your celebration for the world. Happy wedding anniversary.”

The queen takes note of her son’s silence on the matter of hiding from _______. But the two of you couldn’t avoid each other tonight so she keeps her peace on the matter for now.

“Thank you,” She smiles warmly at him. “Your father might not be the easiest man in the universe to be married to but I don’t regret even our toughest days together. They were all worth it. Especially since I got two wonderful sons out of it.”

Loki smiles softly in response but refrains from saying anything. He lets go of her hands.

“Be there tonight,” Frigga once again firmly orders him.

“I will, I will,” He promises, letting out a slight chuckle.

“Good,” She says as she heads towards the door. “See you tonight.”

“See you tonight,” He nods.  
___

You sigh, not wanting to go in. If it wasn’t for your love of your mother-in-law you wouldn’t have even shown up tonight. This would be the first time since being married that you would be arriving in public without Loki at your side.

Thor had offered to escort you, but you apologetically turned him down. Most of the nobles present tonight loved to gossip, and most of them were not a fan of you. If you showed up, escorted by Thor instead of Loki the rumors would be much worse than if you arrived alone. 

Your hand reaches out to open the door leading into the ballroom but then you hesitate. You really wish Loki was by your side for this. He had always protected you from the other nobles who attempted to harass or look down up you. 

But you had been avoiding him all week and the last time you saw him was an unpleasant memory. You haven’t given up, but you need some time away from him in order to calm down and clear your head before you confront him again. 

Once again you sigh.

“I’m surprised you’re wearing my colors still,” Loki’s voice suddenly rings out from behind you, causing you to jump on surprise. 

“You made me promise you to always wear your colors at events with a lot of people like this one,” You inform him as you turn and face him, “that way people didn’t forget I was yours. And if I didn’t, you threatened to physically mark me so that everyone could still see that I was yours. I chose the less embarrassing of the two options. Even if you don’t remember it, I have no plans of breaking the promises I’ve made to my husband.”

“Such a faithful wife,” He muses dismissively.

“That I am,” You shoot back not letting him dismiss that fact so easily.

Loki gazes down at you silently. You can’t tell what he’s thinking since his poker face is as perfect as always. At any moment you expect him to look away and head inside without you. Making an implicit statement to everyone present that you and he are no longer on good terms.

But to your utter surprise he doesn’t do just that. Instead he stretches out his hand, offering it to you.

“It’s good to keep up appearances with this type of crowd,” Loki tells you when instead of instantly taking his hand you stare at it in confusion.

Whether that is his true reasoning behind giving you his hand or not, you no longer hesitate to accept it. As his fingers intertwine with yours, your nerves immediately start to calm. Your body confirming for you that by Loki’s side is where you feel like you most belong.  
___

[Chapter Bonus: Loki’s POV]

As he is heading down the hall to the ballroom, Loki suddenly freezes when he catches sight of you as you nervously hesitate to go in.

Loki has never seen a more breathtaking sight than that of the woman standing a few feet away from him; too lost in her own anxious thoughts to notice his presence.

Your long silk gown highlights every part of your body in the best possible way, and better yet you are wearing his shades green and gold which clearly signified your loyalty and belonging to him. Not many people wear his colors since Thor is the crowd favorite for the next in line for the throne. Especially among the nobility since Thor is more easy to trick and manipulate than his younger brother.

He had secretly found you attractive before but now, all dressed up, you were drop dead gorgeous. Something deep down inside him begins to stir, especially as his eyes train on your fiery red locks. Honestly, it is such beautiful hair. The more he stares at it the more he considers it one of your best features.

Loki feels his body get hot. Naughty thoughts start racing through his mind as his eyes shift to your lips. For a split moment, Loki wants nothing more than to go back on everything he has said or done since loosing his memories, wrap you up in his arms, and hide away in a bedroom with you.

But he snaps himself out of it, collecting himself before approaching you.

“I’m surprised you’re wearing my colors still,” He calls out, startling you out of your thoughts.

Good lord. Could your startled reaction be any cuter?You are making it hard for Loki to keep up his poker face without even realizing it.

“You made me promise you to always wear your colors at events with a lot of people like this one,” You inform him as you turn and face him, “that way people didn’t forget I was yours. And if I didn’t, you threatened to physically mark me so that everyone could still see that I was yours. I chose the less embarrassing of the two options. And even if you don’t remember it, I have no plans of breaking the promises I’ve made to my husband.”

Loki had to admit that sounded like something he’d impose on his wife if he ever found a girl he truly loved. Naturally, he only admits that to himself.

“Such a faithful wife,” He muses dismissively not wanting to give you any sign of his attraction to you.

“That I am,” You shoot back not letting him dismiss that fact so easily.

Loki gazes down at you silently as you stare back up at him clearly trying to read his expression. The more he took in the sight of you the more he feels his self control slowly chipping away.

Maybe just this once he could let himself concede to his inner desires. Today was a special occasion after all. He stretches out his hand, offering it to you.

You stare at his outstretched hand in confusion. 

“It’s good to keep up appearances with this type of crowd,” Loki quick wittily thinks up a believable excuse.

Your hesitation fades as you immediately accept his hand after hearing his words. As your fingers intertwine with his, a strange feeling of comfort washes over him. The simple act of holding your hand feels so right.


	9. Anniversary Ball Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, the next chapter will be the ballroom event from Loki’s perspective.

Loki leads you into the ballroom. Eyes all instantly turn to the two of you. You blush slightly in embarrassment from all the sudden attention. This is the one part of royal life you knew you’d never get used to. From afar, you spot the Allfather and the queen. Frigga smiles directly at you, happy to see the two of you walk in together. You also spot Thor in the crowd but he isn’t smiling; instead he gives you a concerned look.

As if a spell had worn off, without warning Loki suddenly drops your hand. He glares at you as if you had forced him to hold it before abruptly walking off into the crowd. Leaving you alone and publicly embarrassed. 

Immediately the crowd begins whispering amongst themselves. Your body starts trembling in response.

So this had been Loki’s true intent all along. His next effort to make you hate him; public humiliation. You had to admit, he did a great job of fooling you. Acting nice and pretending to care about your relationship’s reputation.

You force yourself to walk through the crowd. Pretending that you didn’t overhear the whispers. Pretending like what they were saying didn’t bother you. As long as you didn’t cry they couldn’t win over you.

“Did you see that?” someone gawks. “Loki’s affection for that wretched girl is lowering.”

“Looks like the fire demon’s spell is wearing off,” a young nobleman smirks.

“Loki’s finally coming to his senses,” another remarks, “I was really worried there for a bit.”

“Divorce should be in the air shortly,” an elderly noblewoman comments gleefully, “My daughter now has a chance to marry the second prince.”

“We all knew this would happen eventually,” a younger lady grins. 

“He was probably just bewitched by how exotic looking she is,” claims another. “There’s no way Loki could ever truly love a woman like her. She doesn’t even have an ounce of nobility in her.”

“Who could love a monster with cursed blood?”

“Ugh. That god awful red hair.”

You eventually meander out of the crowd, stepping out into the fresh air that the balcony has to offer you. You can’t stay here the whole night, but you desperately need a moment to collect yourself before heading back into the wolves’ den.

“______,” A voice calls out to you suddenly from behind, destroying your attempt a momentarily being alone.

Turning, you find Thor looking at you full of concern- even more so than before. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, his tone riddled with guilt and worry. “No, that’s a stupid question. Of course you’re not okay. Don’t worry about what those stuffy, ignorant nobles are saying. They’re just jealous of you. And Loki, don’t worry. I’ll go talk to him right now. What he did was totally unacceptable. I’ll- ”

Before Thor can storm back off into the ballroom, you quickly reach out and grab his arm with both of your hands.

“No, don’t!” You plea with your brother in-law desperately. “If you make a public scene with Loki now it will only make matters worse. I can take their words. I’m used them.”

Thor stops in his tracks, but his face dons a grimace, “That’s not something you should have to be used to.”

“Regardless, it is,” You reply, glancing away from his gaze. “I’ve dealt with such remarks for as long as I can remember. This is nothing new. Besides, if I react I’ll be giving Loki exactly what he wants. He wants me to hate him so I’ll leave him of my free own will.”

Thor stares at you in silence as he processes your words. He sighs, patting the hands that cling onto him, reassuring you that it is okay for you to let him go. He isn’t going to make a scene. 

Releasing the first prince from your clutches, you are sure he is just going to back down and accept your way of doing things as he usually does. His next words, however, are quite unexpected to say the least.

“I’ve crossed paths with numerous fire demons over the years whether it be on the battlefield or in diplomatic meetings, and I always thought their best feature was their confidence in who they are,” Thor tells you. “I’ve never met a race more comfortable in their own skin and proud to be themselves. I really admire that about them.”

You are taken aback by Thor’s words. This is the first time someone besides Loki has said something in compliment to the fire demons. However, there’s one key thing that Thor’s forgetting, “Yeah, but I’m not just a fire demon. I’m some freak of nature mixture of two races. Both of which don’t want me.”

“I want you,” Thor replies without hesitation. “My mother wants you. Father- well I’ll admit I’m not exactly sure what he thinks about you. And Loki, deep down, I believe wants you too.” He pauses briefly before continuing. “And you’re not a freak of nature. There are tons of people outside of this realm born of mixed races. Maybe on Asgard and Muspelheim you’re a minority, but in the grand scheme of the entire universe you fit right in. Besides, if you embody both races that means you have the opportunity to showcase the best attributes of being both an Asgardian and a fire demon. Don’t reject half of who you are because you’re afraid you won’t be accepted. If they’re already not accepting you, embrace both sides of yourself and prove people wrong- show them that being neither an Asgardian or a fire demon makes you a monster. Don’t just stand back and let them trample all over you. Just because we war against fire demons often doesn’t mean their entire race is monsters. You have the power to change people’s perspectives about that. And I fully I believe you can do it.”

A small smile creeps onto your face. For some reason the idea that Thor is suggesting excited you, “People, especially the nobles crowding that room, won’t like me doing that.”

“They already don’t like the things you do. If your going to go down in their minds, might as well go down with a fight,” Thor grins back. “You’re not alone now. At the very least, you’ll always have me on your side. Also, showcasing confidence will get under Loki’s skin more than you remaining silent and pretending to be unaffected.”

You exhale with a chuckle. Where had Thor’s words been all your life? Your brother in-law could be unexpectedly wise at times. 

You find yourself at a crossroads. Either continue accepting your and everyone’s disgust of who you are and pretend like their treatment doesn’t bother you, or finally accept your whole self, taking a chance on Thor words. If you were still on your own, you don’t think you’d have the strength to do the latter. But Thor is right, you are no longer alone. And maybe, just maybe, if you first accept yourself others will slowly start to accept you too.

“The girl you marry is going to be a lucky one,” You tell him with a warm smile. “Fine, I’ll try doing things your way for once.”

The first prince smiles back, blushing slightly, as he nods, extending his arm out to you, “Shall we go back and show them what your truly made of then?”

Accepting his arm, you nod. “Yes, let’s.”

Thor leads you back into the ballroom. Once again, almost all eyes are concentrated on you as you return escorted by the first prince. But unlike before, you have a renewed sense of confidence. Or at least you did until you spot Loki in the crowd. Your body immediately tenses up all over again.

By Loki’s side is a young noble lady and not just any noble lady, but the Duchess Ashten of the highly esteemed Velmont family. The Velmont family is one of the oldest and most respected noble families, and Duchess Ashten’s reputation preceded her all on her own. She is the top pick amongst the noble suitors. Almost everyone is looking to pursue her hand in marriage. Even Odin has his eye on her for Thor. Not only does she have power and wealth, her natural beauty is beyond compare. She is neither too short or too tall. Her hourglass figure is perfect and her skin is without blemish. And her long, golden locks and sapphire eyes are widely envied by all the women who make the nobility. To top it off, not once since you have entered the palace have you heard someone say a bad word about her. Her personality didn’t seem to have a flaw either. She is the very definition of perfection. You didn’t even compare to her in any way. She would definitely be a huge benefit to Loki’s pursuit of the throne.

Thor’s eyes follow yours. He sighs, then whispers to you as if reading your thoughts, “Nobody’s perfect. Don’t let the two of them shake you. As you said, Loki’s trying to make you hate him. Don’t let him get under your skin; and if he does, just beat him at his own game.”

You shift your gaze up at Thor, slightly confused. He smiles down at you confidently.

“He may have the most eligible bachelorette by his side, but you in turn have the most eligible bachelor on yours. I’m your ally in this. Use me,” He tells you. “So, Milady, will you do me the honor of having you as my partner in this next dance.”

“Thank you,” You whisper as Thor’s words once again give you confidence. You let go of his arm and curtesy, “It would be my utmost pleasure to dance with you, your majesty.”

Thor smiles once again before playing his role. He bows back then takes your hand, gently leading you to the center of the room. 

Rumors fly as soon as the two of you start gliding along the dance floor. Thor feels you tense in his arms again.

“Don’t heed their words,” the first prince reassures you, “I can handle the rumors. Besides, there is nothing inherently wrong with a woman having a few dances with her brother in-law. This isn’t proof enough of cheating, and they won’t find any because there is none.”

You relax again. You would owe Thor so many favors after tonight; you didn’t know how you would ever repay him. His support is giving you a confidence you have never felt before, but you like this feeling. For the first time in your life, you begin to think maybe being you isn’t so bad after all.


	10. Anniversary Ball Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki’s POV. Enjoy!!

Loki leads you into the ballroom. Eyes all instantly turn to the two of you. That’s when Loki snaps back to his senses. What is he doing? This is undoing all his hard work of making you hate him. If he shows any kind of kindness towards you now, you are just going to get your hopes back up, then he’d have to say more hurtful things to you in order to squash that hope. 

What he plans to do next Loki knows will be cruel, but he needs you to keep hating him. He drops your hand, glaring at you as he does. Effectively humiliating in front of all the nobles present. 

Before you can grab his hand and pull him back to you, Loki walks off into the crowd. He doesn’t look back, ignoring the guilt that begins welling up inside him. His actions just ruined your public image as his wife. Rumors immediately start spreading amongst the crowd of nobility.

“Did you see that?” someone gawks. “Loki’s affection for that wretched girl is lowering.”

“Looks like the fire demon’s spell is wearing off,” a young nobleman smirks.

“Loki’s finally coming to his senses,” another remarks, “I was really worried there for a bit.”

“Divorce should be in the air shortly,” an elderly noblewoman comments gleefully, “Maybe my daughter will have a chance to marry the second prince.”

“We all knew this would happen eventually,” a younger lady grins. 

“He was probably just bewitched by how exotic looking she is,” claims another. “There’s no way Loki could ever truly love a woman like her. She doesn’t even have an ounce of nobility in her.”

“Who could love a monster with cursed blood?”

“Ugh. That god awful red hair.”

Awful. Each and every one of them, but they are exactly the reactions Loki was hoping for. Usually when plans go his way, Loki feels triumphant and smug. But when it comes to you, these feelings never surface. Why? Had his past self really fallen for a woman such as you? He found that prospect so hard to believe though. Love was never something he pursued before and it definitely wasn’t something he’d give up the throne for. He knew this, but why didn’t his emotions betray him so much.

Loki suddenly halts in his tracks. He turns and looks back to where he had left you but you are gone. His eyes dart around the ballroom but he can’t find a trace of you. Had you just left?

“Excuse me, your majesty,” a melodious voice suddenly addresses him. 

He turns back to find a young noble woman respectively curtsying, waiting for his permission to raise her head.

“At ease,” Loki tells her.

“Thank you, your majesty,” She thanks him with her sweet tone, smiling at him as she raises her head. “Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m Ashten Velmont. It’s a pleasure to meet you, your majesty.”

Even before she introduced herself, Loki knew who she was. She was the top marriage prospect on his list. The woman who could give him the best edge over Thor. Unfortunately, Odin had specifically instructed Loki to refrain from approaching her first because he wanted to save her for Thor.

If only she had been the woman he married. Then he wouldn’t be in the pickle he is now. Rationally speaking, Duchess Ashten suited his desires in every way unlike you. If Ashten became his wife, he’d win the backing of so many of the nobles who are the currently backing Thor.

Loki once considered Ashten the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. But somehow, his attraction to her seem to depreciate. The image of you and your scarlet hair flashes to the forefront of his mind.

“That was quite the display you put up, your majesty. Are you in the middle of a fight with your wife?” She inquires, but then to his surprise quickly dismisses, “No, don’t answer that. I have no intention of getting involved in your marriage. _______ seems like a sweet girl though I have never officially had the privilege of meeting her myself. You should apologize quickly. Women can hold quite a grudge when you upset them in such a manner.”

Again to his surprise, the prince couldn’t detect any hint of deception in the Duchess’s words. Ashten isn’t feigning a good personality in order to win his favor. Loki should’ve felt irritated that the Duchess had no interest in messing up his current marriage, but again his hidden emotions seem to be getting the better of him. Instead, he surprisingly feels a sense of relief. Loki proceeds to curse his emotions. The more he struggles to repress those unnecessary feelings the stronger they seem to grow. It’s so infuriating. Thus, he is eternally grateful for his ability to mask his emotions; he wouldn’t be able to stand in opposition to you for very long if he couldn’t. 

Still, he can’t let this golden opportunity pass by. “Thank you for your advice, Milady. But you needn’t worry, I planned for this to occur. This is a secret for only your ears, but _____ tricked me into marrying her. Our marriage is merely a hoax caused by a spell she casted. Now that I’m free of it, I need the public to see what our relationship for what it really is so that I can divorce her more easily without my reputation being ruined.”

“A hoax, huh?” Ashten murmurs, her tone giving off traces of disappointment. “What a pity. When I witnessed the two of you from a far before I almost started to believe in the possibility of true love. Maybe that only exists in fairytales after all.” She sighs in further disappointment.

The Duchess then stares directly at Loki as if trying to read him. Everything the prince had just told her was the nonsensical lie he himself wanted to believe. Loki was a master liar so he knew what he said came out sounding convincing. But had she seen through that? Was she skeptical of him? He hoped not. It would be much harder to gain her trust if she knew he was lying to her face.

“But if that’s the case, then I don’t think you have to worry, your majesty,” the Duchess finally broke her silence, “the public, especially the nobility, already doesn’t view your wife favorably. Divorcing her shouldn’t bring you any problems. Many of them want that outcome already.”

“So you’re saying they are already aware of her wickedness?” Loki inquires, furthering his lie.

Ashten takes a moment to think it over, “I wouldn’t put it exactly like that. More like they have a bias against her pedigree and the fire demon half of her heritage. As far as I know, she hasn’t really done anything that would be classified as wicked, unless of course, she tricked you into marrying her. Rather, if you view her acts objectively since the time she assumed the role of your wife till now, she would actually be considered quite humble and generous. I heard she’s a regular donor to Asgard’s orphanage. If she’s truly wicked, she’s done a good job of disguising it.”

Loki is taken aback. The unfair bias against you part he anticipated but donating to the orphanage? You had been mistreated at that place. Why would you go out of your way to give them extra funds?

“Your majesty,” Ashten pulls Loki back out of his thoughts, “If I may be so bold to ask, if you are planning on divorcing your wife does that mean you are going to take back the right to the throne you gave up?”

“Yes, that is the plan,” Loki finally responds to the duchess honestly. He notices that when she hears him say that her eyes instantly light up; it gets him curious. Maybe there is still some hope for him after all, “Why?” He inquires.

“I’m interested in making a deal with you,” the Duchess informs him, “I will back you and support you however I can, in return I don’t want to marry Thor. I am aware of your father working to arrange the marriage between Thor and I. It will be difficult for me to refuse such a proposal with my own power. Especially since my parents also desire this marriage. But if I have your backing, my chances of not marrying your brother increase. No offense to Thor.”

Loki couldn’t believe his ears. Today must be is his lucky day. Things are falling into place exactly as he desires. He raises an eyebrow, “So you want to marry me instead of my brother to get out of that marriage.”

“Good heavens no,” Ashten suddenly smashes all of Loki’s hopes in one fellow swoop. “I don’t want to marry a man who simply wants to use me as a pawn to achieve his own goals.” The duchess is shaper than Loki had thought. “I’m simply proposing we back and support each other... as friends or at least as mutual acquaintances in need of the other’s support. I want you to convince Thor and/or Odin to be against the marriage as well.

Guilt washes over Loki. Using her to achieve his own goals is exactly what he wanted her for. Nothing more. He thinks it over. The arrangement wouldn’t be as secure as a marriage, but any chance at having her backing isn’t something he could pass up.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Ms. Velmont,” Loki determines.

“Really? Thank you so much!” She smiles wide.

Loki opens his mouth to respond when something else suddenly catches his attention out of the corner of his eye. He turns and sees Thor escorting you in from the balcony. To his surprise, instead of feigning apathy or looking upset, you are happily smiling. His eyes follow the two of you as Thor proceeds to lead you onto the dance floor. A new aura of confidence, the likes of which Loki has never witnessed from you before, radiates from you as the two of you dance. You smile and giggle as you converse with his brother.

An icy sensation arises inside of Loki. He has never felt such a strong emotion before. Jealousy courses through his veins (though he isn’t aware of that being the case). All he knows is that it made his blood boil to see you acting in such a manner with Thor. You are still legally his. How dare you be happy with another guy while wearing his colors. You are supposed to be his and his alone.

Duchess Ashten glances up at her new political partner, watching as the poker face he wore slowly starts to unravel.

“Merely a hoax, huh?” She mutters with skepticism, but Loki doesn’t hear her as all of his attention is completely trained on you.


	11. Let’s Make A Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY! I've had a cold plus I'm working on another project in my life and this story has unfortunately taken the backburner. I still plan on finishing this story. Don't worry. I don't know when, but this story will be seen through to completion.

“What do you think you are doing with my wife?” Loki growls and glares at his older brother, suddenly appearing and snatching your hand away from Thor’s.

“Oh, so now to you’re acknowledging her as your wife,” Thor challenges him.

“Shut up. That’s none of your business. What happens between her and I has nothing to do with you,” Loki responds sharply.

“She’s my sister-in-law, I have every right to be concerned about her and your treatment of her," Thor doesn’t back down.

“You are creating rumors about her fidelity,” the young brother snaps. “If you are really concerned about her, you wouldn’t allow for that to be happening.”

“You caused the rumors to start first tonight,” Thor shoots back. “You have no right to lecture me.”

Loki’s glare sharpens. If looks could kill Thor would be dead. “Regardless, she is still legally mine so don’t touch her.”

Before Thor can get another word in edgewise, Loki drags you through the crowd. You catch a glimpse of Thor looking like he is debating with himself on whether or not to follow. You quickly shake your head to reassure him you would be alright before he completely disappears from sight.

Bursting out of the ballroom doors, Loki continues to drag you along with him. You aren’t sure where and why, but you comfort yourself in the knowledge that Loki wouldn’t physically harm you. He drags down a couple of corridors as he storms on in silent rage. Finally, he reaches his intended destination, his chambers, pulling inside with him and locking the door.

He lets go of your wrist and turns on you in a whirlwind of rage. “What are you doing, dancing with another man in front of your husband’s presence?!”

“E-excuse me?!” You stammer in disbelief. How on earth is anything that transpired tonight your fault? You grasp onto the confidence Thor had given you and defend yourself, “You’re the one who ditched me to hang out with a duchess! At least the person I was enjoying the ball with was someone related to me! You the one hanging out with an unmarried, unrelated woman in front of your wife! You have no right to criticize me!”

“I don’t need rumors of an unfaithful wife, tarnishing my reputation before I divorce you,” Loki hisses.

“Oh really? I thought you’d welcome that! If I’m found to be unfaithful then you have a proper excuse to get rid of me and our baby! All your problems solved!” You snap back.

Loki once again grabs your wrist and drags you over to the bed, pushing you down onto it before looming over you as you lay trapped in between his arm. “As long as we are still married, you belong to me and me alone. Do you understand?”

It finally hits you. The anger inside you dies out, “Loki, were you jealous?”

Though he didn’t move, Loki’s eyes seem to recoil in fear, “Jealous?” he scoffs, “Me? No. I simply don’t like others taking what is mine. Especially not my brother. Even if I hate your existence, as long as you’re legally mine no one is allowed to take you from me in front of my eyes.”

“If you’re not jealous then why are you over me, acting like you’re about to make love to me? You even pushed me down on the bed,” You respond, not letting him off the hook. Jealousness is good. You and work with jealously. If Loki truly is jealous then that means deep down he still has feelings for you.

“I’m not jealous,” He reiterates icily. “As I said, I won’t anyone take what’s mine, and...” He grumbles “...and I’m probably just sexually frustrated. Taking you now means I can punish you for stepping out of line and meet my needs. I’m just killing to birds with one stone.”

You burst out laughing, making it hard for Loki to maintain the seriousness of this conversation, “I don’t believe you. Well, the part about you being sexually frustrated might be true. We haven’t done anything in over a month, and Thor interrupted us before you got a chance to do anything before you left for Midgard.”

Loki’s expressionless face returns. He is too good at that for his own good. But even with his poker face intact, you feel like you can take him on. Thor had given you a new confidence and you won't waste his gift. Maybe, just maybe, if you accept yourself then, at the very least, you can get Loki to accept you... again. Nonetheless, you have an idea.

"Let's make a deal," You state firmly, not suppressing your triumphant grin.

"A deal?" He questions flatly. Skepticism appearing only in his emerald eyes.

"You stop trying to make me hate you and, at least publicly, act like my husband properly. In other words, let's have a civil, friendly relationship from here on out," You give you stipulations. "In return, if I can't make you fall for me again by the time the baby is born then I will leave with the child without any fuss. Also, I will act like your wife properly and allow you to relieve your sexual frustrations, even if you don't love me."

___

[Loki's POV]

Loki raises his eyebrow. It isn't exactly what he was expecting. Then again, almost everything you did surprised him. Not only that but you are radiating off a different aura from before. Previously, even though you had been active in pursuing him, there was something holding you back from giving it your all. But now your eyes are sparkling with determination as you radiated with a confidence he hadn't felt from you before. What had happened in that brief time when you were accompanied by Thor? It ticked him off that his older brother seemed to have some level of sway over you.

The prince pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind. There is a more pressing matter at the moment. Accepting your deal or not? Accepting would be quite a risk with his body and emotions betraying him half the time. But, on the other hand, all he had to do is tell you to get out after the baby is born and things would be resolved easily. Also, if he started acting nicer to you then Thor would stop having an excuse to get close to what is legally his. After everything is over, Loki could care less if you go to another man as long as it isn't Thor. Or, at least, that's what he convinced himself.

"Too scared you'll fall for me?" You mock after a period of not hearing a response from him.

"Hardly," Loki replies icily, "I just don't like making deals where a person can easily back out of them when the time comes to uphold their end of the bargain. Before I agree, I want some reassurance that you will take the child and divorce me quietly if I don't fall for you. Swear it on your child's life."

"Never," You instantly reject coldly. "The baby is innocent in all this. I will protect our child above all else. I will swear it on my own life instead."

You hadn't hesitated, making it clear to Loki that you weren't being adamant about all this just for selfish reasons. You will make a great mother. If only you had been born an Asgardian noble, he wouldn't have minded keeping you by his side.

"Works for me," He concedes, "You have yourself a deal."

Once again you flash a triumphant grin up at him, "Very well then," you reach up and wrap your arms around his neck, "you may touch me now."

___

[Loki's POV]

Loki slips out quietly of bed so as not to wake you, grabbing himself a fresh robe before snatching the wine bottle off his nightstand and heading out onto the balcony. Leaning against the railing, he uncorks the bottle and raises it to his lips. As the liquid floods his throat, he stares off into the distance questioning the decision he made.

Your body had reacted to him perfectly. Your moans and cries had been music to his ears. The whole time you were in sync with him, which wouldn't have been the case if this had been the first time the two of you had intercourse. Proof he had done it with you before which only increased the likelihood that the child you are bearing is, in fact, his.

Likewise, his body reacted to your touch more than any woman had been able to make him in the past. The entire time, his body craved more and more for your touch and you had given it to him perfectly. You knew where he liked it the most; you targeted all his favorite spots.

Even if he didn't regain his memories, the more time passes, the harder it is getting for Loki to deny certain things when it comes to you. Could his lifelong resolve really hold out against you?

He pulls the bottle away from his lips and clenches the rail with his free hand. No, he couldn't give up now. He had been gifted a one in a million chance at a do-over with this amnesia. His resolve isn't weak; he would definitely get the throne this time.


	12. Toy Store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH! GUYS I AM SO SORRY! I totally did not mean for this chapter to come out as late as it did. I feel genuinely awful about it. But as I said before, I definitely will be seeing this story through to completion no matter how long it takes.

Your eyes slowly flutter open. A slight moan escapes your lips as you turn over to your side. You can’t help but let a soft smile creep onto your face as you take in the sight of Loki sleeping soundly next to you. It has been so long since you last woke up with him by your side; it was a small pleasure you deeply missed.

Unconsciously, you reach out your hand to gently touch Loki’s face but the split second before you can make physical contact, Loki’s eyes flash open and his hand darts up to restrain yours. His expression is icy.

“Don’t touch me,” He warns you, dropping your hand and sitting up.

“You didn’t mind me touching you last night,” You roll your eyes as you join him up on his level.

“That-,” He pauses, briefly mulling over his objection before finishing the rest, “that was different.”

“If you say so,” You mutter dismissively, getting out of bed. “I thought you agreed to be nicer to me.”

“I did but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you do whatever you want to me,” He replies, getting up on the opposite side.

You don’t respond as you rummage through your old closet for the clothing of yours that hadn’t been transferred to your new quarters. Picking out a simple, pale green gown you go into the bathroom leaving Loki time to change privately.

“Okay, let’s go!” You say upon coming back out a few minutes later; your hair now tied up with a matching ribbon. A bright smile dons your lips.

“Go where?” He inquires disinterested as he finishes buttoning up his shirt. "I don't remember us having any plans today."

“You’re going to make up for publicly shaming me last night by going into town with me today,” You answer cheerfully. “Your parents’ wedding anniversary celebration lasts all week, remember? The nobility celebrates with balls and lavish parties while the townsfolk enjoy a week-long festival. And between stuffy parties and fun-filled festivities, I’d rather attend the later.”

He couldn’t argue with you. For one, he agreed to maintain appearances with you until the baby was born. To do that, he’d have to correct his actions from last night’s ball and make public appearances where the two of you showcased a good relationship. And two, he no more enjoyed the parties thrown by the nobles then you did. Though going into town during such a busy time didn’t feel up his alley either.

“Okay, fine,” Loki caves with a reluctant sigh. “Let’s go to the festival.”

You smile even more gleefully, “Alright! But first, we’ve got to stop by my chambers. I need to grab my purse!”  
___

[Loki’s POV] 

Loud, cheerful, and crowded. This festival is really not Loki’s cup of tea. Too many (happy) people. Too many non-stop noises. If it weren’t for you tightly holding onto his hand and dragging him along, the second prince definitely would have turned around and gone back home by now. This scene seemed to fit his brother more than him.

Loki’s nose instantly wrinkled at the thought. He might not like his current surroundings, but he didn’t like the thought of Thor being in his place even more. Seeing you happily dancing with Thor ignited a bitter feeling in Loki. You labeled it as jealousy, but the last bit of his pride and resistance wouldn’t allow himself to admit it. He told himself he just didn’t like the idea of Thor taking something that was his even if he didn’t care about said thing. It was the only justifiable excuse he could come up with.

“Loki, let’s go in that shop over there!” You suddenly pull him out of his thoughts as you point across the street. “I have some things I need to pick up from there.”

His eyes follow your finger as the two make you way over. Loki is a little taken aback by the store you had chosen. It was a toy store. He couldn’t imagine what type of business you would have in there.

Though a small little shop, business seemed to be booming during the festival as kids dragged their parents along to buy them something and parents obliging in light of the celebration.

Upon entering, you walk straight up to counter. Finally letting go of Loki’s hand as you do. 

He refrains himself from following, preferring to stand away from the crowd, near the exit, watching from afar as you exchange pleasantries with the shopkeeper But standing alone quickly began to draw something unsettling to his attention. The longer he stays in the shop, the more a sense of discomfort fills him. His eyes can’t help avoid all the loving parents interacting tenderly with their children. He starts to feel out of place like he shouldn’t be allowed in such a place. He isn’t like these people. 

Guilt isn’t something he feels often, especially when it is involved in his plans to ascend the throne. But as he stands there surrounded by parents who are showcasing their deep love for their kids, Loki starts to feel more conscious about his plan involving him rejecting his own child. He always knew getting the throne would require sacrifices on his part, but he never imagined he’d end up tossing aside his own child in order to earn the love and respect he was looking for from his own father. Loki wanted from Odin the very thing he wouldn’t willing be to give his own kid. For the first time, Loki felt truly selfish.

“Hey, are you okay?” You worried voice suddenly rings out. “You don’t look so good.”

Loki hadn’t noticed you had made your way to his side until you had spoken up. He quickly erases his emotions from his face that he hadn't previously realized let slip. 

“I’m fine,” He replies flatly before quickly changing the subject. “What did we come in here for exactly? Are you buying future toys for your kid while you still have the royal family’s money to use?”

You flinch uncomfortably and Loki immediately regrets his choice of words and harsher tone than he had intended. He hadn’t meant to be so mean; it just sort reflexively came out as defensive response against guilt he had just been feeling.

“Y-you we’re always sharp with your words,” You advert your gaze, hurt. You quickly rebound though. If you couldn’t take Loki’s harsh words you weren’t going to get very far with him. You look back up at him as you force a smile, “I’m glad you that part of you hasn’t changed at least. To answer your question, no I’m not buying toys for this child,” you say, placing your right hand gently on your stomach, “if we have to leave after he or she is born, then we’d probably move out of the realm. It would be too hard for us to live on Asgard after the divorce, and if that happens I think it will be easier to move with fewer possessions.”

More unwanted guilt washes over Loki. You were right. Divorcing him would ruin your public image, which is already fragile with your fire demon heritage. It would be best for both you and the child’s sake to leave Asgard if the two of you wanted to live peacefully. 

He had never really put any thought into what would happen to the two of you after you and he divorced. Honestly, because he hadn’t cared. After all, you were the person that ruined his plans for ascending the throne. You were a bother- a roadblock that he needed to chase out of his life if he wanted to pursue his lifelong goal. 

Again, he felt scummy. Why though? He had used and gotten rid of plenty of people who were obstacles in his pursuit before. It had never bothered his conscience any of those times. He had hardened his heart against everyone except his mother. Yet why was it with you he couldn’t help but feel awful about his actions. Had he actually fallen for you in the past? Was that really possible? Knowing himself that seemed highly unlikely, but the emotions he increasingly struggled to suppress seemed to be evidence otherwise. And even if he had, was love really something he would give up everything he had work so hard for his entire life? It made absolutely no logical sense to him.

As his mind races you continue answering, once again snapping him out of his thoughts.

“The toys I’m buying are for other children. It’ll make sense soon,” You inform Loki, unaware of the violent storm of thoughts and emotions plaguing him at the moment. “Delivering them will be our next destination.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be writing a few more chapters before I get back my other project to make it up to you guys! So be on the lookout for those in the near future.


	13. Husband’s Spying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing in Loki’s perspective

[Loki’s POV] 

Your hand in his is replaced with bags in either hand as you lead the way to wherever you planned to go. Things were once again awkward between the two of you ever since you left the toy store. Loki knew it was his fault but he couldn’t seem to come up with a way to make the situation better, so he just followed along behind you silently as the two of you weave through the crowd.

Strangely, you appear to be leading them in the opposite direction of where everyone else seemed to be heading. Soon the two of you were heading down a side lane to a small hillside where no else was passing by. Gazing up at the building ahead of you though, allows him quickly deduce where your planned destination was- Asgard’s orphanage. But it is beyond his reasoning why you would visit this place voluntarily. After all, it was the place you had been neglected and bullied at as a child.

Knocking on the front door, a pair of middle-aged women quickly opened up.

“______! Long time no see, girly,” the first woman received you warmly. Then she and the other woman realize Loki's presence behind you. Their mouths fall ajar and they quickly bow. 

“Your majesty,” the acknowledge in unison.

“At ease,” Loki flatly replies.

“We’ve brought new toys for the young ones,” You say, lifting up the bags that were in your hands to show them. You smile warmly, “I know it’s been a little while since I lasted visited so I thought I’d appease the kids with these.”

“Yes, they will be very thrilled,” responds the second woman happily, "to see you and the toys."

“Please come in,” ushers the first.

Once inside, you grab the two bags that were in Loki’s hands, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to see the children. May-belle, Yulie, could you keep my husband company for a little bit until I get back.”

“Of course,” the woman named May-belle answers. 

Loki watches as you disappear completely up a flight of stairs.

Yulie clears her throat and hesitantly addresses him, “Would you like to come into our office, your majesty? May-belle can whip you up a cup of tea while we wait for _____ to come back down.”

He nods silently, not knowing what else to with himself. It’s not like you gave him the opportunity to go with you to see the children. He got the sense you were trying to avoid directly engaging with him, though he couldn’t blame you.

The two women lead him into their office a little ways down the hall, and May-belle gets straight to brewing some tea. At first, the three sit there in an uncomfortable awkward silence as they sipped their tea, but May-belle eventually musters up the courage to break the ice.

“It’s been so long since you last accompanied _____ on her visits the orphanage, your majesty,” she remarks.

Loki raises his eyebrow. He can’t recall ever being here before. It must have been a part of his two-year memory gap.

“Yeah, well I have been pretty busy. But with the festival and everything else going on, I thought I could spare some time,” He perfectly lie. No one outside the royal family knew he had lost his memories, and Loki would like to keep it that way. However, now seemed like a perfect time to do some probing, “I’m still quite baffled that my wife visits this palace... due to the fact that, how should I put it lightly... her childhood experience here wasn’t necessarily the best.”

Both woman tense. Guilty expressions riddle their faces. 

He wants to judge them, but given that his own plans involve rejecting and neglecting you, he couldn’t necessarily bring himself to take the moral high ground either. His treatment of you isn’t any better than their past treatment of you. Besides, it was understandable. Fire demons and frost giants are two races that are considered monsters to the Asgardians. There’s no way, even as a child, you would’ve been easily accepted.

“W-we’re so sorry, you’re majesty!” Yulie apologizes, bowing her head. An action that May-belle quickly follows. “We couldn’t see past her red hair and judged her solely upon her race. We were wrong to do that; we know that now. And we’re eternally grateful for ______ forgiveness and mercy.”

“As long as _____ forgives you, I have no qualms with you two or this place,” Loki dismisses their worry. Again, it’s like he had any right to take the moral high ground in this situation. “You may raise your heads. I am simply interested in knowing what and why my wife does for this place. Surely it wasn’t because she felt indebted to it.”

“She hasn’t told you?” May-belle says surprised.

Loki guesses you probably did, but that information is lost with his memories. Of course, he isn’t going to tell them that, so he makes up an excuse, “_____ is hesitant when it comes to opening up about things involving her childhood, understandably so. I have learned bits and pieces over time. But I’ve been curious about this for a while; I don’t want to pressure it out of her.”

His words are a total fabrication but the two women clearly seem to buy it.

“She visits the kids who have yet to be adopted, actively helps in searching for good families to match them with, provides us with financial assistance, and even brings gifts from time to time,” Yulie starts, “like today. As for the why though... we’re really not sure. After marrying you, she suddenly showed up at our doorstep again, offering her support and extending us forgiveness for our past treatment. We were quite surprised. I'm afraid, you’ll have to ask her about why because we honestly don’t know.”

Taking another sip of his tea, Loki mulls over Yulie’s response. More than the what, he cared about finding out the why. Why would you do so much for a place that treated you so poorly? Especially with how much you were actually doing for the orphanage. 

Using magic, he cools down the rest of his tea so he can drink it faster. Finishing, he hands the cup back to May-belle. “Thank you for the refreshment. It was really quite delicious. Do you guys mind if I excuse myself and go up to where _____ is to see the children? I’m interested in seeing more of her charity work first hand.”

“Of course, you’re majesty,” May-belle nods as the two of them stand up with him as he gets up.

“They should be upstairs, third room to the left,” Yulie tells him.

Giving a polite head nod, Loki takes his leave.

___

[Loki’s POV]

Peering through the crack in the door, seeing you sprawled out on the floor in the midst of a tickle fight with some of the children wasn’t exactly what Loki was imaging you were up to. 

“I give up!” a young boy chokes out in between laughter, admitting defeat in the tickle fight.

You sit up on the floor, a triumphant smile on your face, “I know all of your guys’ tickle spots. You really should think twice before challenging me.”

“We’ll win next time,” a girl half-heartedly pouts.

“Maybe, but it might be a while before we can play this specifically again,” You remark.

“What do you mean?” a younger girl inquires.

“Are you not going to visit us for a long time?” another boy asks saddened.

“No, of course I’ll be visiting you guys again soon. I’ve just got to be more careful with my body these upcoming months,” You tell them, effectively getting rid of their concern.

“Why?” a third girl questions.

“Because I’m going to be having a baby,” You answer honestly. “I’ve got to make sure they’re safe by protecting myself.”

“You’re going to be a mommy?!” almost all the kids present exclaim.

“Yup!” You smile proudly.

“Lucky baby!” a boy pouts, “I want you to my mommy.”

You rest your palm on his cheek affectionately, “Don’t worry. I’ll find you all good mommies and daddies that will love you even more than I do.”

“Really?” the kids ask. Some excitedly, some skeptically.

“Of course, I looking for good families for each of you. My husband has even helped me extend my search to Midgardian families. They’re a lot like us, so I’m sure they'll be happy to adopt you cuties. Helena, Joyce, and Esteban got adopted by Midgardian families just last week, remember?”

The kids seem pleased with your answer.

Was that true, Loki wonders? Had he been helping you with the adoptions? Aiding the Avengers gave him connections to Midgard. And there were definitely fewer children here than he had imagined. It wasn't believable that all the kids in the orphanage were going out to Asgardian families. If they were, there would be a lot more of them still present in the orphanage.

“So is Prince Loki going to be a daddy?” a small boy asks as he tugs gently on your sleeve.

Loki catches your hesitation when you answer. It was brief but definitely there. 

“Of course he is,” You respond, patting his head, “if I’m the mommy then he’s the daddy.”

“How did he react when you told him the news?” one of the older girls inquires eagerly. “Did he spin you around happily? Did he kiss you? Was he surprised? Overjoyed?”

No. No. Yes. No. Loki answers the child's questions in his head before wondering how you are going to respond. Telling them the truth probably wouldn’t be the best option. He interest peeked in seeing just how good your lying skills are.

“H-he was definitely surprised, but I’m pretty sure he was happy about it,” You say, clearly nervous and avoiding eye contact. You were such a terrible liar, Loki almost couldn’t believe it. His mouth fell ajar for a split second. 

Even the children saw were able right through you.

“Why wasn’t he happy?” one kid immediately calls out your bluff. 

“Doesn’t he love you?” another asks.

“Of course he does,” You quickly reassure them. “When we found out, it was just really bad timing because he came back hurt from a mission and our family was going through some tough changes.” 

You technically weren’t lying this time, so you were able to convince them. 

“Don’t worry, things are getting better and we both can’t wait for the baby to come!” You smile softly.

Again, you technically weren’t lying. He wanted the baby to hurry up and come, but not necessarily for the right reason. The guilt from before forms a lump in his throat.

“Now back to playing while I still can before the next couple of months roll around,” You change the subject. “I believe it’s Jarius’ turn to be it in tag.”

Loki continues to watch silently as you get up and start running around the room with the kids. His eyes unconsciously train on the genuinely happy smile on your face. You were radiant when you smiled. 

In his heart, Loki found himself utterly torn. You didn’t deserve the treatment he was giving you. That was evident more than ever. You deserved to smile all the time just like you were now, but he was robbing you of that. Everything thing he had said and done to you since he returned has been to hurt you. But the more he learned about and what you have been through, the more he knew you deserved to live happily.

But he also knew he couldn’t give that to you. He had come so far and struggled for so long. Deep down, Loki knew that wasn’t willing to give up the throne for you; no matter how much he sympathized with you.

However, at the very least, he could put in effort to make sure these last few months together weren’t unpleasant. And when he did send you and the child away, he'd make sure the two of you were well provided for.

“Hey, _____, your husband’s spying on us!” a small girl shouts suddenly swinging open the door, jostling him from his thoughts.


	14. Kiss & Make Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter filled with fluff (and a dash of angst).

You instantly whip around to find yourself making locking eyes directly with Loki, who looks to be taken off guard for being caught. All the kids around you instantly paused their game of tag to watch the two of you.

“Did you need something?” You ask from across the room.

Before Loki can reply, Frey, the girl who caught him spying, grabs his sleeve and drags his into the room over to you. The two of you stare at each other silently as neither of you is sure what to say to the other. Eventually, the onlookers can’t handle the tension anymore.

“Did you to fight?” Roth asks.

“_____, you told it’s not good to fight,” Airity exclaims.

“You two should kiss!” Janus blurts out, to which he quickly adds, “and make up.”

Your face flushes, “W-we’re not going to kiss in front of a bunch of kids!”

“I don’t know, kids can be surprisingly smart,” Loki replies. His response leaving you in utter shock. You swear you can see the twinkle that his eyes get whenever he is plotting something mischievous, “Maybe we should. As they said, it’s not good to fight. You wouldn’t want to be a bad role model for the children.”

You can’t believe what is happening right now. “W-what?! Are you- Are you serious?”

“Usually,” He says smoothly, flashing that mischievous grin of his.

And before you can react, Loki lifts your chin planting a gentle kiss upon your lips. Your mind goes blank.  
___

“What was that?!” You ask Loki as the two of you walk back from the orphanage. A possible realization then hits you. Your eyes widen as your hopes rise, “Do you finally remember me?”

“No...” Loki swiftly dashes those hopes. He watches as the smile fades from your face, “I was just attempting to do what the kids said... make up. Besides, you’re the one who wanted us to act like a happy couple in front of others.”

Loki’s continued answer didn’t lift your spirits.

He sighs, “Look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier at the toy shop. I was out of line. Will you forgive me?”

His efforts to apologize and make up with you appeared genuine. After all, Loki rarely apologized so bluntly, and it’s not like he would actually kiss you just because a group of children pressured him to. You guess this is the best you are going to get.

“Yeah, I’ll forgive,” You reply, adding a small smile.

The silence returns after that as the two you continue your walk back to the festival.

“Why are you doing so much for the orphanage that mistreated you?” Loki gets out the question that had been on his mind.

“I have multiple reasons,” You tell him after a brief pause. His question was another reminder that the you he used to love was gone from his memory. Your heart starts to ache, but you force yourself to ignore the sensation, “It’s not like the current children are the ones that bullied and ignored me. I have nothing against them, and I know what it’s like to live in an orphanage: unwanted and unloved. Thus, I want to do what I can so that fewer children have to go through what I did in growing up.”

Unnoticed at first by you, as you spoke Loki takes your hand to hold in his. It is such a natural feeling from the past that your body didn’t question his sudden sweet physical contact.

“But my main reason for aiding the orphanage is probably to be accepted by more Asgardians,” You admit bittersweetly. “If you convince the younger generations that you’re not an evil monster, then maybe... in time... people’s perspectives will change? I want Asgard to grow into a place that will be more accepting of people like me. Or at least, that's my thought process on the matter. Besides, it looks good to the older generations that I’m actively participating in charity... instead of burning people. I guess my truest motives are a little bit more selfish.”

“It’s alright to be selfish in that way,” Loki responds calmly as he takes in your words. “Not every form of selfishness is bad. It’s not wrong for you to want to be love and accepted... even I strive for that.”

“I know,” You smile warmly at him. “Thank you.”

Unbeknownst to you, Loki suddenly feels uncomfortable by the way you said you knew. He can’t figure out why, but it feels as if you knew a part of him that he isn’t aware of himself. He didn’t like that. But more he thinks about it, the more his head hurts so he stops.

Reaching the town square, music can be heard as a local band plays on the center stage that had been set up for the festival. People are dancing merrily along with the tune. Joy is literally filling the air.

You stop to take in the view. The Anniversary Festival had always been something you had wanted to participate in as a child. But you always refrained, knowing that your red hair would’ve made you the center of ridicule. It wasn’t until you married Loki and people were sort of forced to accept you that you became able to walk about freely in public.

“I believe I owe you a dance for last night’s lack thereof,” Loki stirs you out of your thoughts. 

You look over towards him and his hand is already extended to you. A giddy smile spreads across your face as your eyes simultaneously light up .

“I believe you do,” You accept his hand, letting him lead you closer to the center. 

Dancing with Loki had always been much more elegant and easier than dancing with Thor. It made sense since Loki had more of an air of elegance about him than his old brother. That being said, they were both better dancers than you. Frigga trained them well.

It had been so long since you last danced in Loki’s arms; so long since he last held you in his secure embrace. The recent loss of physical touch made your body ache along with your heart. For it had gotten so used to Loki’s constant touch.

“What are you thinking about?” Loki inquires as he slowly twirls you around.

“I dare not say what... at least with our current relationship it's better that I don't,” You answer, remembering how he told you not to touch him this morning.

You could tell Loki is trying to read your expression and figure out what you wanted, but he eventually lets it go, “I won’t pressure you into telling me something you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.”

The song finishes and the dance partners bow to one another.

“Well, I’ve had my fun for the day," You remark. "Let's head back home.”

He nods.  
___

To your surprise, Loki doesn’t leave you the instant the two of you get back. Instead, he walks you all the way to your chambers.

“I won’t force you to stay by my side anymore,” You tell him, half-jokingly. “Thanks for coming out with me today.”

“No problem. It wasn’t actually as bad as I thought it would be,” He responds. 

You nod, smiling awkwardly. Not sure what else to say, you turn towards your door to go into your room.

“You’re going to be a great mother,” Loki suddenly compliments, halting you. “Or at least, I think so.”

You turn back, but Loki has already vanished into thin air. Hearing those words, you can’t help but smile to yourself.


	15. Repressed Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it. This chapter reveals one of the first major plot points I planned for this story from the very beginning. I have been looking forward to posting this chapter for a while now. ><

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Attempted suicide is mentioned

“Looks like your baby is healthy!” the elderly doctor informs you. “Their growth is slightly abnormal, but I don’t think that’s anything to worry about. It’s probably just a result of your... genetics.”

You aren’t surprised to hear that. After all, a baby conceived of you and Loki was bound to have some abnormalities, at least in regards to a typical Asgardian pregnancy. 

Sitting up on the hospital bed, you loosely wrap your arms around your stomach. 

“If you feel any discomfort, feel free to stop by anytime. My office door is always open,” she tells you warmly.

“Thank you,” You reply, grateful. “Before I go, I wonder if you had any medical input on a situation... Someone I... know of... their spouse is suffering from amnesia and hasn’t regained their memories even though it’s been a couple of months. Is that normal or is there a reason why they’re not remembering?”

The female doctor ponders your question for a moment, “Hmm. I’m not an expert on this subject matter, but people with amnesia, if their brain is undamaged, usually recover their memories within a couple of days. If they’re not, then the problem is most likely psychological. Do you know if this person’s spouse has gone through any traumatic experience in the past that caused them to suffer physically, mentally, and/or emotionally? If so, their brain may be unconsciously trying to protect them from remembering those painful memories by hiding them away. In short, it’s my theory that the person subconsciously doesn’t actually want to remember and that’s why their memories aren’t coming back after so long.”  
____

Returning to your chambers, your face darkens as you purse your lips. Sinking down to the floor, you lean against the door. As you curl up into yourself, you start remembering the day you and Loki first met. The worst day of Loki’s life:

[One & Half Years Ago]

[Loki’s POV]

Loki shudders in utter shock as he stands before his parents in the throne room. He feels short of breath as his world seems to be crashing down around him, “P-please tell me this isn’t true. Tell me this is all just a really bad nightmare I’ll eventually wake up from.”

“Loki...” Frigga says his name sympathetically. Her tone sounds like she's on the verge of tears herself.

“It’s true,” Odin tells him flatly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“DOESN’T CHANGE ANYTHING?!” Loki shouts in disbelief at the utter nonsense that is spewing out of his father’s lips. “This changes absolutely everything!” He pauses still in shock. “Everything makes so much sense now! Why you favored Thor all these years! Why I never gained an ounce of your respect no matter what I did or how hard I tried! You never, even for a split-second, planned on actually letting me have a chance of ascending the throne, did you?! You couldn’t have a monster ruling Asgard after all, even if I was a better fit then Thor! You lied to me! My entire life! What is the point anything I’ve ever done in my life up until this point then?!” 

Loki scoffs. He turns to leave, not wanting to hear whatever Odin's unsympathetic excuses may be. 

“Loki, wait!” his mother cries out, now in tears.

But Loki has no plans on wait. He vanishes from the throne room and storms towards the palace entrance. He had to get as far away from here as possible.

He had thought it was strange when Odin suddenly gave him the mission to go to Jotunheim to subdue some frost giants instead of Thor. Every time before he had assigned Jutenheim solely to Thor. But Loki had naively, gladly accepted it as a chance to prove his capabilities to his so-called father. However, now Odin’s true intentions were abundantly clear to Loki. It wasn’t to give him a chance to prove his worthiness of ascending the throne, but rather to show him that the throne would never be his. After all, a frost giant can’t rule Asgard.

His whole life he had believed down to his core that he was the proud, true-born Prince of Asgard. Equals with his brother. But no, he didn’t even have the most basic qualification to be his brother’s equal. For Loki true identity wasn’t Asgardian, but frost giant- a monster that the people of Asgard feared. The very last person who be allowed to rule the realm.

[Reader POV]

You sat on the edge of the cliff on the outskirts of Asgard. It has always been the place you came to to clear your thoughts. 

This morning had been rough. Food has been scarce in the outskirts. It typically is during this season and you haven’t eaten in three days. So you decide to take a risk, grabbing your cloak and heading into town with the little money you have been saving up. If you can get just a little something, you are surer it will be enough to tide you over until you can find something again in the outskirts.

But as your luck would have it, just as you are about to pay for your items a huge gust of wind blows by, revealing to the clerk and everyone nearby your scarlet hair.

The clerk’s eyes widen in horror as the people around you gasp. The tension in the air around you begins to grow as people’s fear and hatred get the better of them.

“Get away from my stall, fire demon!” the clerk roars, swatting away the hand which had been holding out the last of your money to him. The coins clatter on the ground, scattering at your feet.

You grit your teeth, clenching your fists at your sides.

“Quick, back away!” someone shouts, causing even more panic. “She’s going to burn us!”

Letting out an exhausted sigh, you bend down to pick up your change when the store clerk shouts at you again.

“I said leave! I’ll have my buddy in the royal army come arrest you if you don’t go away right now!” He threatens.

You freeze. Standing back up, you immediately take your leave; heading back to your isolation in the outskirts with no food and now no money. 

“Don’t cry,” You mutter to yourself under your breath as you continue staring off into the distance. “They win if you cry. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Suddenly you feel a presence coming increasingly nearer. No one ever came this far out in the outskirts. Had that clerk really sent soldiers after you? You hastily scramble up to your feet and hide behind a nearby tree.

Peering out from behind it, you see not a group of soldiers but rather one of the last people you thought you’d ever see visiting the outskirts: Asgard’s second prince, Loki.

At first you were going to silently slip away but then you notice the all too familiar expression on his face. You know all too well what he is thinking about doing because of all past times you stood where he stood considering attempting to do the same exact thing.

“No, don’t!” You shout, springing out of your hiding place.

[Loki’s POV] 

He sees a flash of red before finding himself dangling mid-air as someone, with all of their strength, grasps desperately onto his arm. Rage courses through his entire being. Why wasn't he even allowed to die peacefully?

“Let go!” He growls, glaring up at you.

“No! This isn’t the way to fix your problems! Trust me!” You shout down at him as you struggle to maintain your grip.

What did you know?! You didn’t have his problems! 

“Look at me!” Loki snaps, revealing his true nature. Dark blue skin replaces his ivory tone. His emerald eyes shift to red. It’s not that he wants to reveal his true form to you, but he knows that any Asgardian would instantly let go of a frost giant.

When you look up to lock eyes with his, Loki is left utterly flabbergasted. Your eyes don’t widen in horror as he expected. Rather they reflect a sense of understanding. You smile sympathetically down at him, looking like you want to cry but specifically for his sake.

He would’ve continued staring at you in silent bewilderment if it hadn’t been for the weakening of your grip. You aren’t strong enough to hold him for much longer. At this point, you are both going to fall. There is no point in him dragging you down with him. He attempts to wriggle his wrist free.

“Don’t!” You shout desperately. “Just give me a second!”

Your ivory skin starts to glow a soft red color. Summoning an extra bit of strength from the other half of your genetics, you hoist him back up. The red glow instantly fades the second the two of you are back on solid ground.

“Why did you save me?!” Loki yells at you angrily as he scrambles to his feet. “Did you hope to gain a prince’s favor?!"

“No, that’s not why I saved you,” You reply as you catch your breath and stand up as well. “I saved you because it was the right thing to do.”

“I wanted to die!” He snaps.

“I know,” You speak gently.

“You know nothing!” Loki continues to shout. “Look at me! I’m a monster!”

“If you’re a monster, then what am I?” You reply solemnly.

For the first time, Loki takes a good look at you. Your hair is an unnatural shade of red for an Asgardian. He can recall only seeing that kind of fiery scarlet hair before on a single species- fire demons. What was a fire demon doing on Asgard? He had never seen one with pale skin before.

“I’m half fire-demon, half-Asgardian,” You continue, “Since the day I was born people have told me I am a monster. But is being a monster really just determined by genetics? Have you and I ever really done anything to be justly labeled as a monster?”

Transforming back into his Asgardian self, Loki’s face darkens. The pain of discovering who he really is over who he believed he was is still so fresh. His life long pursuit is now worthless. He’d never be an equal to his brother in Odin’s eyes. He’d never have Odin’s love and respect the way Thor did. And he would most certainly never have the throne. His entire existence has been a lie. 

[Reader POV]

Your arms are sore and bloody from holding onto Loki for so long. However, your mind isn’t focused on that. Instead, you stare silently at the hurting prince before you. It didn’t look like he’d try to jump off the cliff again, but you know the emotional battle that is raging on inside him at the moment. His pain, you know it all too well. 

“You’re no monster, your majesty,” You speak up, purposefully drawing him out of his thoughts. “You’re Loki. Second prince of Asgard; our lord of mischief. That fact doesn’t change whether you’re Asgardian or frost giant. At least, not in my eyes.”

His face is still dark, but his eyes reveal the slightest trace of him desperately clinging onto your words. 

“And at least you can fit in, if you wish,” You say, a bit more light-heartedly. “I’m stuck with this fiery red hair for life. I’ll forever be the social outcast.”

Loki opens his mouth to say something but before he can he is interrupted.

“Loki!” a woman’s voice suddenly cries out.

Both of you turn in the direction of the voice to see the queen of Asgard and a group of soldiers trailing behind her. She runs up and instantly wraps Loki in her arms.

“Thank the stars you’re alright, my baby!” Frigga exclaims with tears of relief streaming down her face. “I thought we might’ve been too late, and I would’ve lost you forever.”

The second prince is lucky, you think, to have a mother who loves him so dearly. If only your mother had been like that. Maybe you wouldn’t have ended up all alone. You envy him.

“You probably would have,” Loki responds despondently. He glances over at you, “if it wasn’t for her.”

Frigga follows her son’s eyes over to you. At the site of your arms, she hurries over to you and exclaims, “Of my stars, darling, are okay? Come back to the palace with us, we’ll get you patched up. It’s the least we can do after what you did for us.”

“N-no, I-I’m fine,” You reject her offer nervously. What would people say if they found out the royal family let a fire demon into the palace?

“Please, I insist,” the queen doesn’t back down.

You shift your gaze over to Loki desperately for help to get out of this. Your eyes silently pleading with him.

“I insist as well,” He rejects your plea.

You cave.  
____

[Present Day]

Loki doesn’t want to remember he’s a frost giant. You are torn. On the one hand, you desperately wanted him to remember. If he did, everything would go back to normal. Your husband would love you again. He would love and accept your child. You wanted that so badly. But on the other... You know how much feeling like a monster hurts. Loki felt like he lost everything that day. You wouldn’t wish him to remember that if he so adamantly didn’t want to.

As you rise up of the floor, you solidify your resolve. You leave your chambers at once and run to the training grounds, calling out to Thor.

“Thor! Will you get your parents for me? I want to discuss something amongst the four of us,” You tell him. “It’s about Loki...”

Thor nods silently before running off to comply with your request. A few minutes later the group is gathered in Frigga’s study.

“What’s the matter, dearie?” Frigga inquires, worried. “Did Loki do something to you ?”

Thor immediately tenses at the notion. 

“No, it’s not that,” You quickly diffuse. “I gathered you guys here because I actually a theory on why his memories won’t return. I talked with the doctor earlier and she said if his brain is fine then the issue might be psychological... I think Loki's memories are being repressed because he doesn’t want to remember he’s a frost giant.”

The room falls completely silent. Though everyone present knows Loki is a frost giant, the subject matter has always been a touchy one.

“So if we get him to remember he’s a frost giant, then his other memories will also come back?” Thor inquires.

“That- ... That’s my theory anyways,” You grimace solemnly. “But the reason other reason I asked you all here is to ask you to refrain from doing that. If Loki really doesn’t want to remember that fact, then I don’t want to force him to. I want you all to promise me you won’t bring up the fact that he’s a frost giant to him.”

“What about you though?” Thor asks concerned. “Don’t you want him to remember you?”

“I do, but... I know what it feels like to think of yourself as a monster,” You answer. “Whether or not Loki ever remembers me, this is my resolve.”

“Okay, I promise you,” Frigga complies, reaching out and rubbing your shoulder comfortingly.

“I promise you as well...” Thor also complies, begrudgingly admitting that he has no right to go against your wishes in this situation.

You turn to look at your father-in-law who has remained silent this whole time. You knew going into this that he would be the hardest one to persuade. After all, he’s the one that pushed Loki into discovering the truth in the first place.

“Please,” You beg. “This is the first thing I’ve ever requested of you since my marriage to Loki. Can you really not oblige?”

The Allfather sighs, “Fine... I will adhere to your request.”

“Thank you,” You internally sigh in relief.


	16. Happy 2 Years!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had writer’s block for a little bit over the events of this chapter but I’m pleased with out it turned out.

[Loki’s POV]

“Here you go!” You say, sliding a cup of freshly brewed black coffee in front of Loki as he sat sorting through documents on his desk. “Prepared just the way you like it!”

Loki glances up from his work towards you. As the days passed by the more your stomach began to show. And the more he had gotten used to you popping up randomly in his office. Today, however, you seem to be giddier than usual.

“What’s gotten into you?” He inquires, raising an eyebrow as he lifts the rim of the cup to his lips to take a sip. “Is it your birthday or something?”

“Close but not quite,” You grin happily. “I don’t actually know when my birthday is since I was given up at such a young age. In fact, last year was the first time I celebrated it because you insisted we must. No, today’s our two year wedding anniversary! And even if you don’t remember it, I’m determined to have a pleasant day and pamper you.”

Your guys’ anniversary. Loki had no recollection of your marriage much less its anniversary. But if you wanted to celebrate it then he wouldn’t rain on your parade.

“Pamper me? Aren’t you one who’s supposed to be pampered?” He replies.

“Hmm,” You give it a split second of thought. “In a marriage, you’re supposed to be equals so I guess both of us deserved to be pampered. But you don’t remember me, so I don’t think it’s fair to require you to reciprocate the pampering this time around.”

He sighs. Loki promised himself that in your last few months by his side he’d make sure your time with him was pleasant. “I’ll make you a deal. You leave me alone to finish my work for a couple of hours, and when I’m done I’ll come find you and we can do something together. Sound good?”

“Deal!” You beam, not letting this opportunity slip you by before he changes his mind. Still smiling, you hurry yourself out of his office.

Loki lets out a small chuckle under his breath after the door closes behind you.  
____

[Loki’s POV]

After searching for you a bit, Loki finally finds you in the lounge. His work had taken him much longer than he expected, and you wound up falling asleep, curled up in the armchair in front of the lit fireplace, as you waited.

In Loki’s eyes, the sight was surprisingly lovely. You sleeping soundly while waiting for him warms his heart in a way be had never felt before. The experience of having someone eagerly waiting on him after a long day of hard was a first for him. Or at least it was as far as he can remember. Strangely, it simultaneously made him feel lonely over all the times prior in his life where he simply just returned alone to his empty chambers. 

Bending down over the chair, Loki gently brushes aside your bangs. As much as your hair stands out like a sore thumb, it really is such lovely hair. It was soft to the touch and suited you well.

A few minutes pass where he continues to stare at you in silence. Part of him wanted to live in this serene moment forever and not have to worry about anything else. Not pleasing his father. Not living up to his brother's standard in the eyes of everyone else. Not having to dismiss you as his wife... All these thoughts plagued him but not in this peaceful moment. However, he promised to do something with you sometime today so he begrudgingly forces himself to end it.

“Sleepyhead, wake up,” He beckons you, gently poking your cheek. “The day’s almost over. We’re going to miss out on the chance to do something if you don’t get up.”

You slowly begin stir at the sound of his voice though you didn’t really make out what he said. Your eyes flutter open. You sit up and stretch, letting out a slight moan as you do.

“Loki?” You wonder sleepily as you rub the sleep out of your eyes. “When did you get here?”

“Just now,” He tells you, promptly omitting the part where he spent some time watching you sleep. “So, what did you want to do?”

Upon hearing his question and remembering what today is; your sleepiness suddenly vanishes. Your eyes light up as you smile up at him happily.

“A picnic! I’ll whip us up something quickly then we have dinner together in the gardens,” You request, eyes twinkling with eager anticipation.

“That’s all?” He questions, a bit shocked. He had been sure you’d ask for more. “There’s no else you want to force me to do today?”

The light in your eyes fade and your smile retracts, “Well, when you put it that way I don’t want to do anything.”

A sharp pang of guilt pierces Loki’s heart. He really needed to start choosing his words more carefully around you before he said them, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. What I am trying to say is, I’m willing to comply with anything, well almost anything, you ask for today. Is that really all you want? I was expecting something... more.”

“It’s rather late and I haven’t eaten yet so it seemed like a good idea,” You respond. “Besides, you worked hard all day. It’s best if we do something simple so you can unwind and relax.” A warm smile returns to your expression. “A picnic is more than enough for me.”

If his conscience in the back of his mind wasn’t ever reminding him that he was going to be sending you away one day, Loki might have kissed you right then and there. He’s starting to see why his past self fell for such a woman. No one had taken him and his workload into consideration like that before. No one had ever so freely offered him a break and time to relax. 

Odin always had something for him to do. Especially since paperwork and acting diplomatically behind the scenes weren’t really his brother’s strong suit. Everything Thor couldn’t accomplish was pushed onto him. And though he never showed it, Loki felt like he drowning in his work; never having time for himself. It was something he silently accepted though. Anything for the throne after all, right?

“So is that okay with you?” You inquire of him nervously when doesn't respond at first.

Loki snaps out of his thoughts, “Yes, that’s fine. If you’re making the food, I’ll go find a blanket and set everything else up.”

You smile wide, “Thank you!”  
____

Twenty minutes later, the two of you sat sprawled out on the blanket he had prepared while munching on the sandwiches and side dishes you made. The two of you didn’t say too much to each other; neither one of you felt pressure to. It was comfortable simply sitting together, watching the sun as it slowly sets.

“You’re a really good cook,” Loki comments. “It’s clear you know what I like. The ingredients you used intentionally catered to my tastes, didn’t they?”

“Thank you,” You reply, blushing slightly, “and well, yes. I want to make things you enjoy it. It’s natural, isn’t it, to want to please the one you love however you can?”

Though it appears as if he’s seriously pondering your words, Loki doesn’t give you a response. Instead, he turns and looks back at the setting sun. Per usual, you find it hard to read his expression. 

“If my words ever make you uncomfortable, just say so,” You tell him, wondering if he was shutting himself off because you referred to him as the one you loved, “I’ll try my best to refrain from saying certain things.”

Loki purses his lips slightly. He shakes his head, “No, it’s alright. You’re free to say whatever you’d like. I’m just tired.”

“Well, you can rest your head on my lap and fall asleep, if you want,” You tease with a grin.

Finally looking back over at you, he stares at you as if seriously considering it. And the next second, Loki repositions himself laying down on the blanket with his head actually on your lap. Not waiting to see your reaction, he closes his eyes.

You are beyond shocked. You had been joking, thinking there was absolutely no way he’d actually do it. Not that you are upset by this surprising development.

What are Loki’s true feelings towards you, this caused you to wonder? Had you done enough to convince him to let you stay? If not, is it a growing possibility? These questions race through your mind, but you know this isn’t the time to inquire about such answers. Instead of worrying about the future, you choose to live in this moment.

You begin gently running your fingers through his hair. When he does nothing to stop you a soft smile dots your lips. After a while, you swear Loki is genuinely asleep on your lap. He must have been really exhausted.

Getting more comfortable, you too lay on your back. Careful to not move your legs as you do. You stare up silently at the evening sky. The sun has almost completely sunken in the horizon. You blink as your eyes struggle against the tranquility of the moment. The struggle doesn’t last too long, however, as slumber takes a hold of you as well.

The two of you spend the rest of night in that position, sleeping under the stars.


	17. Dangerous Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy mother’s day everyone! Here. Have some angst to celebrate!

[Loki’s POV]

Becoming increasingly aware of the sun’s rays beating down on him, Loki stirs from his slumber. Groaning, he sits up. Why was the sun so bright in his room this morning? It didn't typically. He looks around, fully taking in his surroundings and finally realizing he isn’t in his room but rather the gardens.

It hits him. His eyes instantly dart over to you. He had spent the whole night sleeping on your lap. He couldn’t believe he actually did that. What was he thinking?! Was he even thinking at all? He had just been so tired last night and things just sort of happened. He had completely let down his guard.

You have yet stir. Apparently you are a heavier sleeper than he is. 

A rising sensation grows with him as he stares down at you. Though Loki wants to deny it, he’s all too aware of what this sensation is. Burning passion. He wants you. To take you and do so many unmentionable things. The feeling burns intensely. He wants you so very much. And it scares him. He tries getting up to slip away, but before he can your eyes flutter open.

“Good morning,” You greet him sleepily as you sit up. You smile warmly at him.

That is all it takes. His self-control is lost in an instance. Leaning forward, he pulls you closer to him. And before you can figure out what is going on, Loki kisses you deeply.

You close your eyes, gladly accepting it. Your body craving him just as much his craved yours.

Intertwining his fingers in your hair, Loki doesn’t stop kissing you. The taste of your lips is overwhelmingly addicting to him. His body aches for more. He had been restraining his physical desires for so long. What he was doing right now felt so natural, so right... He freezes.

Suddenly pulling away, he stammers, avoiding your eyes, “I- I’ve got to go.”

Not giving you time to react or even think, he vanishes.  
___

You didn’t see Loki for the rest of the day. Even when you stopped by his office, he was never there. It's clear he was trying to avoid you. But why? Why did he kiss you this morning then? His constant switching between hot and cold treatment towards you was leaving you in utter confusion.

“______, are you alright?” Frigga asks in a concerned tone, snapping you out of your thoughts. “You don’t look too good.”

Right as she said that your vision starts to get blurry. “I, uh-“ you start to reply but before you can say anything else, you suddenly collapse onto the sofa you had been sitting on.  
___

[Loki’s POV]

The next morning, after giving himself some time to clear his thoughts, Loki gives up on avoiding you. He returns to his office to work per usual, expecting you to burst through the door at any second. 

Hours pass though and you are nowhere to be seen. At first, Loki tried to not let that bother him, but the longer your absence went on the more he's losing focus on his work. 

Just where were you? Every single day you popped into his office. Why is today different? Were you avoiding him now? Had you finally given up on him? For some reason, the thought greatly bothered him and he was growing irritable.

Standing up from his desk, Loki leaves his office. To his surprise, the moment he swings open his office door to leave, his mother is right outside the doorway about to knock.

“Did you need something?” He inquires.

“I thought it'd be best to inform you that _____ collapsed yesterday evening,” She tells him. “She told me not to bother with it, and that’s why I refrained from saying anything until now. But I think it’s best if you go visit her. She’s stuck in bed with a fever.”

Loki’s eyes widen ever so slightly. You collapsed? Why? You had looked fine the last time he saw you.

“I’ll go see her now,” He promises her. 

Frigga nods, stepping aside to let him by. His pace quickens a little as he gets further down the hall. He slows his pace as he draws closer to your door. Not bothering to knock, Loki goes straight in.  
___

“Frigga?” You inquire groggily as you slowly sit yourself up in bed at the sound of the door opening.

“No,” a voice you’d recognize even in the groggiest of states responds.

“Loki...” You murmur, turning towards him as he sits himself down on the bed next to you.

Loki places the back of his hand on your forehead, “You really are burning up. I heard you collapsed.”

“And you came here out of pity?” You say solemnly.

He doesn’t reply to your question. Saying yes would show how little he cared. And saying no would show how much.

“You can go,” You tell him. “I’m don’t want to bother you.”

“Since when?” He teases with a slight chuckle.

“I’m not up for our usual back and forth,” You respond, pulling away. “Please just go.”

“But I’m your husband,” He replies, “I’m supposed to stay in these sorts of situations.”

“So you can pick and choose when you want to be my husband and when you want nothing to do with me?” You say, voice cracking as your face darkens. You grip the bedsheets in your fists. “And I just have to deal with the whiplash of your treatment towards me?”

“I-,” Loki starts to scramble for an excuse.

“The baby will be here in a couple months,” You continue, cutting him off. “I need to mentally prepare myself for whatever you decide: let me stay or send me away. Which one is it, Loki? Just tell me? I’ll - ... I’ll accept whatever you decide.”

And without realizing it, tears start to stream down your face.  
___

[Loki’s POV]

No, no, no. You never cried. No matter how hard things were for you you’d force a smile and hold back the tears. Loki couldn’t explain how he knew that; he just knew. 

Maybe it was just the imbalance of hormones from the pregnancy, or maybe you were really breaking. He couldn’t tell. But you are demanding an answer; for Loki to make his final decision. And that’s the absolute last thing Loki wanted to do right now.

How come Thor never faced these sorts of problems. Why was everything he ever wanted always handed to him on a silver platter? If it was him instead of Loki, he probably could’ve had both you and the throne. Why was it only he that had to make sacrifices?

While Loki hesitates to answer, your expression darkens further. Reaching out, you grab him by the shirt and yank him to you. Your lips lock with his, kissing him passionately. He freezes, eyes widening as you grip onto him 

“I love you, Loki,” You tell him weakly. Once again your vision becomes blurry. Within seconds, you slump into his chest as your consciousness fades away.

Loki trembles. He quickly positions you back in bed and leaves your chambers. He swiftly makes his way through the corridors, his pace just shy of running.

Getting to his chambers, he locks the door behind him. His mind is racing; his heart is absolutely torn. The choice between you and the throne was supposed to be an easy one but it wasn’t. This situation was delving into dangerous territory. Loki knows he has to choose. He grits his teeth.  
___

Waking up the next morning, you groan. Your body aches but at least your fever seems to have subsided. Sitting up, you look around the room. You are alone. Based on the light shining through your window, it appears to be still early morning.

You slip out of bed, putting on a fresh gown and fixing up your hair. Memories of yesterday slowly seep to the forefront of your thoughts. The hairbrush you had been holding suddenly clatters on the bathroom counter as your eyes widen. 

Oh no. Had you really acted that way towards Loki? That hadn't been your plan. You start praying that it was all a dream and that Loki hadn’t actually visited you. Dropping everything, you hurry out of your chambers.

As you transverse through the corridors, you cross paths with Thor. With one glance at you, Thor instantly avoids your gaze. He looks like he wants to run away.

“Hey, have you seen Loki?” You inquire, coming up to him. “I really need to talk to him.”

Thor looks back up at you. Guilt riddles his expression. You had a bad feeling about this.

“I’m so sorry, _____. I couldn’t stop him,” Thor apologizes grimly. “Loki- ... He’s gone.”


	18. Duchess Ashten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter references a character I introduced in chapter 9 &10\. If you need a refresher on her, I would go back and skim through chapter 10 real quick. It feels like forever since I last mentioned her.

“Gone?” You shutter. “What do you mean, gone?”

“Last night, he just abruptly got up and left,” Thor answers you, clenching his fists at his sides. “He said he’d be staying at Duchess Velmont’s estate for a while.”

Duchess Velmont. That name seems to ring a bell. It hits you. The beautiful woman Loki was speaking with at the anniversary ball. The most sought after woman in all of Asgard. Every noble family wanted their sons to marry her. Even Odin.

“For how long?” You ask aghast.

Thro grimaces, “He didn’t specify.

You scoff in sheer disbelief, “So that’s his answer then...” Clenching your fists, your face darkens. “Fine. If he wants to run off with some other woman then let him. It’s better to know his true colors now than when the baby is born.”  
___

[Loki’s POV; Almost 2 Months Later] 

“This is not what I expecting when you asked for my help,” Ashten gazes down at him disapprovingly, her arms crossed, as he laid lazily in bed with his back towards her as he tried to ignore her presence.

“Don’t forget I pulled serval strings in order to get you off the list of Thor’s potential brides,” Loki’s groans sleepily. “You owe me.”

“You sound like a broken record every time I speak to you. That’s all you ever say. Just how long are you going to continue freeloading here?” the Duchess frowns angrily. “Rumors are spreading and people think we’re having an affair. ”

“Good,” Loki mutters as he shields himself under the covers.

“Not good! I have no intention of letting my great name be tarnished because of your marital issues!” She hisses, ripping the covers right back off. “I swear getting involved with you is more trouble than it’s worth! Your wife must be a saint to deal with you twenty-four/seven!”

At the mention of his wife, he stiffens. “Yeah, she is...”

Ashten sighs, “Then why are you treating her like this?”

Loki sits up, glaring at the Duchess agitated, “That’s none of your business.”

A normal person might have backed down, but the Duchess wasn’t having it. “It became my business the moment you step foot into my estate to hide from her. Now either we discuss this or I’m sending immediate word to your wife to come fetch you.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” He seethes.

“Oh believe me, I would,” the Duchess stands her ground firmly as she recrosses her arms. “In fact, I’ve been in correspondence with her since the day you arrived.”

Loki’s eyes widen slightly, “You what?!”

“I told you before. I have no plans of intervening in your marriage. I believed it best that, at the very least, your wife was aware of the fact that we aren’t actually having an affair,” She replies before pausing briefly. Her tone softens a bit, “From her letters, she appears to be a very lovely and understanding person.”

His eyes shift downward, “She is... and that’s why, for both of our sake’s, it better if she hated me before I divorce her.”

“And why in the heavens do you want to divorce such a woman as ______?” Ashten inquires flabbergasted. “You’re not going to find a better woman amongst the nobility. And I’m certainly not going to marry you.”

“I know that,” Loki grumbles through gritted teeth. “But Odin’s never going to let me ascend the throne with a woman who has fire demon blood in her genes. It would affect the bloodline of the future heirs of the throne.”

“Now this is just my opinion, you can take or leave it I don’t really care, but I get the impression from the Allfather that he doesn’t have any plans to let you ascend the throne in the first place,” Ashten tells him, “Regardless of who you are married to.”

Loki tenses. His gaze darts back to her as he glares.

“That’s none of your business,” He snaps.

Ashten just developed a newfound respect for you. If it was always like this dealing with Loki then she didn’t envy you. The second prince was really testing her patience, “I said it was merely my opinion and that you didn’t have to take it.”

He didn’t respond though he dropped the glare. As moments of silence pass by, Loki hoped the Duchess would get bored and leave him alone. Talking about the situation only made him feel worse.

“Look, Loki,” Ashten finally exhales, “I’m all for pursuing your dreams and goals to the utmost. That’s why I not yet married. But, I also believe there are some things that should never be sacrificed along the road of pursuit. If you have to sacrifice your loves to get what you want then what you want probably isn’t the best thing for you.”

“Who said I loved her?” Loki mutters weakly not even convincing himself.

“You clearly do, or else you wouldn’t be so torn up about your decision,” the Duchess replies. “Go home and sort things out. Make the decision you will truly regret the least.”  
____

Though you probably should’ve been resting you've kept yourself busy. It's less painful when your mind didn’t have time to think about Loki. Besides, your baby would be here any day. You had to finish all the necessary preparations for leaving the realm.

As you flitted around your chambers, making an inventory list of all your belongings, a knock came from your door. You figure it's Thor returning to help. He had been aiding you with your preparations, even finding you a place to live comfortably on Midgard.

“Thor, come in. The door’s unlocked!” You call out as you continue rummaging through your dresser drawers.

“I don’t like the fact that you assumed it was my brother at the door,” an unexpected voice chides upon entering.

You freeze for a split second before whipping around and seeing Loki standing in your chambers. 

You scoff, “Two months of running off to another woman’s home, and you have the audacity to chastise me for spending time with my brother-in-law.”

“Ashten told me you two were in correspondence; you know we aren’t having an affair,” He responds, slightly irritated.

“Well then, I’m here to officially inform you that Thor and I aren’t having one either,” You shoot back angrily. “Now if you’ll excuse me. I have to continue packing. You should work on fetching those divorce papers.”

“You don’t need to pack. I haven’t made my decision yet,” Loki says, grabbing your wrist and pulling you away from the dresser.

“W-what? How can you say that now? I’m pretty sure you running and hiding away from me the past couple months is more than enough indication of what your choice is going to be,” You seethe, trying to free yourself from his grasp but failing.

“We agreed I’d decide when the baby came. You still have some time to convince me to change my mind,” He tells you.

“No, I don’t want to!” You cry, “It hurts too much. I just want to give up and move forward.”

Loki pulls you into his chest as he wraps his arms around you tightly. His voice comes out more desperate then he realizes, “Please don’t give up on me.”

Tears silently roll down your face. They seemed to fall more freely from your eyes ever since the first time you finally let them out.

“You’re not being fair,” Your voice cracks.

“I know,” He replies solemnly, not letting you go. As if his hold on you is the only thing keeping you from completely disappearing from his life right this second.

“Fine, I’ll give you one more chance,” You whisper, unable to resist him when he acted like this.

“Thank you,” He says before pulling back slightly to kiss you.

He was being really, really unfair.


	19. Decision Made Easier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I'm going to say is that the latter half of this chapter had been planned for a very long time. Pretty much from the beginning.

[Loki’s POV]

“Daddy!” A small child’s chimes affectionally from a distance.

Loki looks up from his paperwork, searching for the voice’s owner but he can’t see them anywhere.

Suddenly the office walls surrounding him fade into a black void.

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” the child continues to call out, getting quieter and quieter until the call can no longer be audibly heard.

He desperately searches around him for the child, but all he can see for miles on end is pitch darkens.

“Daddy,” the voice suddenly appears behind him. This time the tone isn’t an affectionate one, but rather one that harbors disappointment.

Loki whips around to see a child-sized, shadowy white figure. Slowly forming behind it is a larger shadowy white figure with flaming red hair.

“Why did you abandon us, Daddy?” the child-like creature asks, its voice filled with sadness. “All Mommy and I wanted was to be accepted and loved by you. Why did you throw us away?”

“Stop it,” Loki breathes, shuttering.

“Are you happy now? Was it all worth it?” the child continues against his wishes. “Why wasn’t Mommy’s love enough? She loved you. Respected you. Accepted you. Wasn’t that what you really wanted? But you drove her away. Why?”

“Stop it!” Loki repeats as he looks around desperately for a way to escape.

The two figures disappear, but the child’s voice remains haunting him.

“Why, Daddy? Why? Why did you throw Mommy and me away? Why? Why don’t you love us? Why? Why did you abandon us? Why? Why? Why?”

“I said stop it!” Loki shouts.  
___

[Loki’s POV] 

Loki’s eyes flash open. He wakes up in a cold sweat, immediately sitting up in bed.

“Loki?” You ask, your tone full of concern. “Are you alright?”

“I, uh-,” He stammers still shook from the nightmare. His whole body was shaking.

You had never seen Loki in such a state like this before. Reaching out, you pull him into your embrace.

“Whatever it was, it isn’t real,” You murmur.

“It might be soon though,” He mutters under his breath. 

Though moments pass, Loki doesn’t make any attempts to move away. He just lets you hold him. Even when you begin running your fingers through his hair he doesn’t tell you to stop. 

Eventually, he pulls back slightly to go and kiss you but as he gets close you suddenly wince in pain.

“What’s wrong?” He asks concerned.

Your arms let go of him as your hands now grip bedsheets. You wince again as discomfort distorts your expression.

“Loki,” You breathe unevenly, “I think the baby’s coming.”

His heart skips a beat as his eyes widen in shock.  
___

[Loki’s POV]

Pacing back and worth outside, Loki grows more and more anxious. Your cries of pain can be heard throughout the entirety of the medical ward.

“How long does this take?!” He snaps. “She’s been in there for hours!”

“The labor period varies from pregnancy to pregnancy, but it is normal for it to extend over many hours. Especially with the firstborn,” Frigga answers him calmly. 

Loki grits his teeth. Once again he found himself torn. He didn’t like hearing you in pain and wanted this whole thing to be over with for your sake. But the selfish side of him honestly didn’t want the baby to come. He is running out of time. Very soon he’d have to make up his mind. You and the child or the throne? Which choice would he regret less?

Hours more pass by. Loki buries his head in his hands as he waits as an increasing amount of dread wells up inside him. He wants to run and distance himself from you once again, but he forces himself to stay and listen to your screams.

Sudden silence as your cries cease. Loki holds his breath, waiting in anticipation for the sound that is supposed to follow. And it came. A baby’s cry rings aloud.

Frigga sighs in relief. Walking over to Loki, she pulls him up gently off the bench and leads him by the arm inside the delivery room. Thor trails closely behind the two of them as they go in.

To his surprise, none of the doctors or nurses are stepping forward to give their congratulations. Instead, they all back away as if afraid. Some even scurry out of the room. At first Loki was utterly confused, but as soon as he lays eyes on the infant he completely understood.

In your arms, you protectively cradled a dark blue-skinned baby with uncharacteristically fiery red hair away from all the onlookers. Asgardians didn’t have blue skin and neither did fire demons. Only one race had that shade of icy blue tone.

Loki without thinking scoffs aloud. After all this time and all this turmoil, the child isn’t even his. All at once, Loki explodes, “Wow, you really had me fooled. I can’t believe it. I guess the apple really doesn’t fall too far from the tree. I’m sure your mother would be proud to learn her daughter has taken after her. Where’d you find a frost giant? Did you sneak out on little escapades while I was putting my life on the line on Midgard? And to think I almost chose yo- No, that doesn’t matter now. Thank you for making my decision easier. You can have Thor help you pack up your stuff.”

“Loki, it’s not what you think!” Thor tries to stop him, stepping in front of him as Loki turns to leave. “You’re not actually-“

“Thor!” You shout, cutting him off sharply. “Don’t! You promised me you wouldn’t.”

Loki can’t help himself and steals a glance back at you. Your face is dark as tears dripped down from your eyes. He grits his teeth. He refuses to let himself feel an ounce of sympathy for you. 

“But, he-!” Thor tries to object.

“You promised,” You repeat desperately as you cling onto your newborn child as if it's the only thing giving you the courage to face this moment. Your tears drip down onto the infant's cheeks.

Thor punches the wall next to him in frustration, leaving a giant hole but steps aside to let Loki leave.  
___

A few days pass and Loki was nowhere to be seen. You finish packing up your last suitcase before heading into the bathroom to change for the night. Tears stain your cheeks as you stare at your reflection in the mirror. Tonight is your last night on Asgard. Tomorrow morning Thor would be escorting you and your daughter to Midgard. Life would start anew for you.

A soft pitched cry is the only thing that shakes you out of your stupor. You quickly wipe away your own tears and rush back into the bedroom over to the cradle at the foot of your bed.

“It’s alright little one,” You say softly as you pick up your baby girl in your arms, “Mommy’s here. Don’t cry.”

You rock her in arms, trying to calm her down. She stares up at you teary-eyed. The more you whisper sweet nothings to her and hold her in your arms the more she seems to settle.

As you continue to gaze down at her your eyes start to widen. To your utter shock, her blue skin starts to turn ivory matching your tone. 

You shutter, giving her a small smile, “Looks like you inherited your father’s magic.”

Her red eyes also switch to emerald green as she seemingly smiles back up at you.

“And his eyes,” You chuckle bittersweetly. “I guess the only thing you got from me is this cursed red hair. Sorry about that. Fortunately, your uncle says people on Midgard will be more accepting of our hair color so I guess it’s not so bad.”

Lifting your daughter closer to you, you gently rest your forehead on hers. She is the most precious thing in the universe to you right now and the only thing keeping you grounded. The sole source of your strength to keep you moving forward.

Eventually she falls back asleep in your arms. You gently place her back down in the cradle before shutting off the lights and crawling into your own bed.

Hours later you are awakened by the sudden sense of a strange presence in your room. Your eyes widen in horror at the sight of the figure looming over the cradle with their arm stretched out towards your daughter.

“No, don’t touch her!” You scream.


	20. Not A Monster

[Loki’s POV]

He waits until an hour he knows you’ll be fast asleep before stealthy appearing in your chambers. He had no desire to interact with you, but for some reason he couldn’t shake this strange feeling he had. He felt compelled to take a good look at the child one last time in order to fully commit to casting you and all his doubts aside. In all honesty, you didn’t seem like the cheating type. Nothing in your behavior towards him the past months indicated any form of deception or signs of disingenuousness. But the baby had clearly been that of frost giant descent. There was no way he could be the father.

Loki looms over the cradle. To his surprise, the child is no longer blue but rather possesses an ivory tone that matches that of her mother’s. How is that so? You didn’t possess the magic to change your own features much less anyone else’s. 

As if detecting his presence’s the baby’s eyes suddenly flutter open, gazing up at him silently. Loki holds his breath as their eyes seem to lock. Her eyes were emerald just like his. What is going on?

Unconsciously he reaches down towards her.

“No! Don’t touch her!” a scream cries out desperately.

Too late. Right as you said that, Loki’s fingers gently brush up against the child’s cheek.  
___

You groan. Everything you fought so hard to protect came crashing down in an instant. As soon as Loki and your daughter make physical contact, their naturally blue skin starts to slowly reveal itself.

Loki instantly pulls away from the baby, staring at his own hands in horror. He shutters, stammering out his next words, “W-what this?! What- what’s going on?!”

“Calm down, Loki,” You scramble out of bed as he backs himself against the wall and collapses to his knees. Getting down on his level, you wrap your arms around him. “It’s going to be okay. You’re not a monster, I promise.” Your words come out desperate as you try your best to protect him from the pain. Already you can feel him trembling.

“You knew!?” He asks in total shock.

“Yes...” You admit solemnly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

You purse your lips, “Because I witnessed first hand how much it tore you apart the first time you found out... And because I know how much it hurts to view yourself as a monster. But Loki, you’re not a monster. No more than I am. You've got to believe me on this.”

“So the child’s actually mine?” He inquires shakily.

“Yes... She is,” You answer.

“My entire life has been a lie,” He says; the utter pain and disbelief in his tone causes your heart to ache.

“I know,” You reply grimly.

“Odin never had any plans in allowing me to ascend the throne,” He continues.

“No he didn’t...”

“I’m a monster.”

“No you’re not.”

Loki doesn’t say anything after that. Tears silently stream down his face as he lets you hold him in your arms. He wraps his arms around your waist as if he was using you as his anchor in this moment of weakness.  
____

The soft rays of daylight peek through the curtains. You and Loki had remained holding onto one another in that position until Loki passed out from sheer mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. You laid him on the other half of the bed, running your fingers through his hair as you watched over him the rest of the night.

As quietly as possible, you slip out of bed and check on your daughter. She too continues to sleep soundly. You smile softly, brushing her cheek before tiptoeing out your chambers. Staying up practically all night definitely required you to go get some coffee if you were to have any hope of functioning properly while relocating to Midgard in a couple of hours.

After you coffee pick up you come back to your room, instantly freezing at the site that stood before you as you reentered.

Loki stands at the crib’s side, holding your daughter. You can’t read his expression but you know his emotions are probably still raging on the inside.

“Erity,” He speaks, not looking up from the child, “that’s what we agreed to name our child if we ever had a daughter, right?”

Your eyes widen in shock, “You remember?”

“Bits and pieces,” He murmurs. “Not everything... Mostly things I don’t want to remember.”

“How are you feeling?” You ask worriedly. 

Loki purses his lip grimly, “Not- ... not great. My whole life has turned upside down. And I’m not really sure what to do right now.”

You don’t know what say. Every word of comfort that pops into your head seemed shallow. But if you could ease his struggle even a tiny bit, you would. So you force yourself to say the words that tasted like oil coming out of your mouth, “At least we’ll be out of your hair soon. That’s one less thing you’ll have to worry about.”

His eyes instantly snap up at you, “No! You’re not leaving!” He pauses, regaining his composure. “I mean, you don't have too..." He pauses again as if rethinking his words. "Please don't go... I feel like my mind will wander into very dangerous territory if you leave... me.”

“Y-you actually want us to stay?” You stammer in disbelief.

Loki draws closer to you, still holding the baby in his arms. He rests his forehead on yours as if admitting defeat to both you and himself.

“Yes,” He breathes with a hint of desperation. “I’m so sorry... for everything. Please don’t leave me. I need the two of you by my side.”

Tears unconsciously start streaming down your face. You had waited so long to hear those words from Loki. 

“Of course we’ll stay,” You say, flinging your arms around his neck.

Without hesitation, Loki seizes the opportunity to kiss you. And this time, he doesn't pull back for a very long time.  
___

[Loki’s POV]

While Thor helps you unpack your things in back into Loki’s chambers, he sits holding his daughter, stuck to her like glue. Ever since this morning when he first picked her up he has been unable to part with her. He stares down at her as she nestles herself in his arms.

A fire demon, frost giant, Asgardian hybrid. But someone so innocent, so lovely as she couldn’t be considered a monster. And if she wasn’t a monster then maybe Loki didn’t have to view himself as one either.

Reflecting back, Loki is eternally grateful that you got pregnant with her when you did. Or else he might’ve kicked you out and never known what he was missing out on. Now he can’t imagine his life without either of you.

“Are you going to give me a chance to hold her sometime today?” You tease, sliding into the seat next to him.

“Don’t be selfish, you had her all to yourself all the days prior,” Loki dismisses.

“That wasn’t my fault,” You respond defensively.

“It kind of was,” Loki mutters back. “If you had told me the truth sooner I wouldn’t have distanced myself.”

“If you say so,” You say, rolling your eyes.

You let Loki continue to hold her as you opt instead to rest your head on his shoulder. There would be plenty of time for the two of you to share her in the future so you let the matter slide for now. Besides, she seemed to be doing a great job of keeping Loki calm so that was a major relief.

“Thank you,” He finally says after moments of silence, “for everything. Especially for not giving up on me.”

“No problem. I’d do it again if I had to,” You smile warmly. “That being said, let’s try not to have this sort of thing ever happen again. The emotional toll and amount of hard work was not fun at all.”

“Yeah, no, I agree,” Loki chuckles.

You half-chuckle, half-sigh in relief as well. Your eyes then light up as you remember something important. Reaching into your skirt pocket, you pull out Loki’s wedding band and hold it up in front of him. 

“Will you accept this back now?” You inquire eagerly.

“You held onto that this whole time?” Loki raises an eyebrow in surprise as he uses his free hand to take it from you. 

“Of course I did!” You reply, sounding almost offended. “What did you think I was going to do with it? Throw it away?”

“Yes, yes, you’re right.I'm sorry for doubting you,” Loki says in a mocking tone as he mockingly pats your head.

“You’re insufferable sometimes,” You grumble, ducking out of his line of reach.

“But you love,” He smiles at you knowingly.

You grin, “Yes, I do!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, in the last chapter and this one the Reader did know who was in the room before she shouted not to touch their daughter. Her telling him not to touch her was the Reader's desperate attempt to not let Loki find out that actually he's a frost giant.
> 
> Also, this is the “last” chapter but I will be writing an epilogue chapter, don’t worry!


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a full length chapter, but I wanted to give you guys a small glimpse into their future. I hope you enjoy! 😊

[Loki’s POV]

“Daddy! Daddy! Wake up!” three different voices ring out in unison as the owners of the voices bounce on the bed around him.

Loki groans, turning over and placing his pillow on top of his head as he tries to block them out. Can’t he have just a few more minutes?

“No, Daddy!” one cries.

“Stop sleeping!” the second demands as they start tugging on the pillow, trying to free it away from his grasp.

“Get up, Daddy!” the third one chirps in.

He is no match for the three of them when they decided to team up. He knows that they’ll continue with their early morning racket until they get what they want. In defeat, he sits up and stares at his three daughters as they eagerly stare back up at him.

The oldest, Erity, age 7 grins triumphantly. Clara, age 5 giggles at her father’s disgruntled expression. Minna, age 3, crawls into Loki’s lap, leaning against his chest.

“Where’s your mother?” He inquires. “Why aren’t you three spit-fires pestering her?”

“She’s with Magnus,” Erity answers, inching closer to her father.

“She told us to come wake you so we can have breakfast together!” Clara adds excitedly.

“Couldn’t you guys wait a couple more hours?” Loki asks them before yawning.

“No!” the all three shout in unison.

Loki sighs in defeat, “What else was I expecting?”

Lifting Minna up off his lap and holding her instead in his arms, Loki gets out of bed. The other two girls carefully slide down off the bed as well. Loki bends down and gently places Minna on her feet.

“You two go get dressed and help Minna get dressed as well,” He instructs the older two. “I’ll go get your mother and Magnus and we’ll meet you in the dining hall.”

“Okay!” Erity and Clara chime with bright smiles decorating their faces. Erity takes Minna’s hand and the three of them scurry off.  
___

“There you go, little one,” You says, relieved as you finish changing his diaper. “All clean!”

Right as you are about to pick up your son, someone’s arms from behind suddenly wrap around your waist, pulling you slightly out of reach of the changing table. 

“Loki,” You breathe. A small smile creeps onto your face. “I see the girls were effective in their little mission I sent them on.”

“Yes, quite,” He grumbles.

Turning to face him, you wrap your arms around his neck before standing up on your tip toes and kissing him.

“Now that’s how I’d prefer to be woken up,” Loki smiles mischievously.

“If I woke you up with a kiss every morning, we’d never be out of bed on time and might end up making child number five,” You remind him.

“I’d be alright with that,” Loki replies, lowering his lips down to your neck. “We need at least two more boys to even out the playing field anyways.”

Your cheeks flush, “Just how many children are you wanting?!”

“As many as you’ll grant me,” He responds, inching his lips lower and lower down your neck while you resist the urge to moan.

Magnus starts to become restless being left alone on the change. He lets out a muffled cry, leaving Loki no choice but to let you go. You instantly swoop back over, picking Magnus up. Getting what he wants, the child hushes himself.

“Then again, more children means more people I have to share you with. Maybe I’m good with just the four,” Loki swiftly changes his mind.

You chuckle, “We’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys all SO much for reading my story and sharing your kind words! They really meant a lot to me. This story might not of been finished if it wasn’t for you guys! You all are amazing! Thank you! 🥰


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